Kara's Sketchy Blog Thing

Drunk Monk

2010-11-07T12:45:00.007-05:00

Dear Internet,

On this the seventh of November in the two thousand and tenth year, I, Kara Lalala, have begun a thing. Its a drunken tea swap!!!!

It is hosted here www.swapbot.com so join up and swap with me. Take a tea and put some alcohol in it. Write down what you did and send a sample of that tea to your designated partner. Experiment until you can't find the kettle. Come on, do it! I dare you.

Sincelery,

Me

Ponk Chomp

2010-10-26T21:07:00.001-04:00

We made this and wish everyone would look at it.

Happy Birthday, BBOT!

2010-10-24T16:53:00.002-04:00

This saturday the 23rd of October, 2010, my smallest brother became TWENTY YEARS OF AGE. Happy Birthday, Buttface. This is the cake I made for him. It's icecream. Im a professional pastry chef. For real, I get paid for this. TADA!

Beardonkadonk

2010-10-21T18:44:00.007-04:00

As I sit surrounded by bowls covered with the residue of a fine oatmeal dinner, watching Bear Grylls find excuses in every condition possible to "get his kit off", Im reminded of this bear video. Enjoy. I SAID ENJOY!

New Blog Time

2010-10-16T20:11:00.011-04:00

Bonjour my precious bum burglars!

Its me! Your favourite! Im doing blogs again now! Here comes! Blog!

Ive been doing so many things! Such as:

Buckets of Turkey!

Turkey soup!

Candy Apples. Seasonal!

RECIPE!

Caramel Apples

6 wooden craft sticks
6 small apples, any variety, stems removed
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup dark corn syrup
2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Insert sticks into tops of apples. Prepare an ice-water bath.
Bring cream, sugar, corn syrup, and butter to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Clip a candy thermometer to pan, and continue to cook until mixture reaches 245 degrees, 10 to 12 minutes.
Place pan in ice-water bath to stop the cooking. Dip bottom of each apple in caramel. Using a spoon, coat apple halfway to three-quarters of the way up sides. Transfer to a parchment-lined baking sheet, and refrigerate until set, about 15 minutes (or overnight).

CHANDALIER! Jealousy of my OSTENTATIOUS EFFULGENT LAMBENCY1? Pimpppp asssssssssssss fucking mason jarks.

Next.

KEANU REEVES! I am making a meme uNFOLD like a orchid on the internet! FROM THE CUPCAKE SIDE! What? Are you saying questions? Why yes! Keanu Reeves is eating, MY, me, MY, I, ME, my, MINE cupcake. And now you understand that meme comes from ME ME!

ME! Hes eating my cupcake. For real, its exciting, and Im not even lying at all this time.

Cupcake rejected. WAAAAAA

Mama Cass puts the ass in class

2010-06-12T19:05:00.007-04:00

Once upon a time in a land down under lived the fattest kookaburra who ever did indeed live. Mama Cass lived in an idyllic park in Sydney. She would spend her days waddling around in the grass being fed sausages and delicious cheeseburgers by kind picnickers. At night she would fall asleep wherever she happened to plop down, kept warm by the hot dogs in her belly and farts that streamed almost continuously from her little birdie bum. Mama Cass could not fly up into the safety of the tree tops you see, because of her substantial heft, she had all the abilities of a feathery medicine ball. But oh was she happy.

That was until one fateful day when a pack of vicious dogs caught wind of her tasty sausage smell and went after her. Mama Cass trundled away as fast as her feeble legs would carry her enormous pudge-body but eventually the dogs got her. Luckily the nice park goers intervened and saved Mama Cass! They carried her to the zoo where they bandaged her up and took care of her.

Mama Cass was put on a balanced diet immediately and was even made to exercise. Eating slugs and bugs was one thing but there was no way they were getting big mama to flap around like some kooky kookaburra. Eventually the exasperated zookeepers took to full out chasing Mama Cass around the yard to get her moving. After a few weeks of this Mama Cass had slimmed down to a sleek 446 grams and even managed to fly! It was to the nearest branch, but everyone was so proud.

All of Australia was so touched and inspired by Mama Cass that they made her President!

The End.

Inspired by the true story of one amazing tubby bird.

Rain Stained Brain

2010-06-02T19:19:00.009-04:00

It's raining. Only it is gorgeous grey blue summer rain that makes everything look greener and everything smells like flowers. Usually the city smells like a hobo's mattress. Because um.. it is a big hobo mattress I suppose.

I had to have an excuse to go for a walk in the rain. So I decided that I would make use of the strawberry rhubarb compote B-Bot and I made a few days ago to make a dessert. A dessert that would require tremendous amounts of whipped cream. Pants went on and I went out!

I walked down to the closest corner store. On the way there I passed a black man dressed all in white with aviator glasses who stopped to pick up an old water bottle off the ground and throw it away. I thought that was an odd thing to do, in the rain. Stop to pick up litter. You never see anyone in the city do that. It made me smile. No luck for whipped cream at the shop, which I was secretly happy for because it meant a longer, wetter trek.

The sides of the road had turned into tiny rivers. Rivulets of water carried bubbles along into the sewer grates. Over head I could make out the impressions of 3 seagulls hundreds of feet above. Keeping an eye on things. I noticed no one looked unhappy to be out getting soaked. I passed by the post office box and felt a pang of sadness at not bringing a postcard to quickly scribble on and toss over to New Zealand.

At my favourite convenience store I bought a wee whipping cream and the most orange of all oranges. I walked back home slowly, soaking wet, with an orange in my hand. I was tempted to steal roses from outside the church on the corner because the hot pink of them went with my orange so well. But I resisted. Like Jesus resisted temptation. I think that's a movie, anyway.

At the intersection two large ladies in floral skirts held plastic garbage bags against their heads. I never understood why ladies can be completely soaked but damn it all if their hair gets damp. There was a plaid clad fellow reeking of student, standing sullenly strapped to an ipod. I watched him watch this lovely Korean lady jog by. He looked slightly less sullen. Sometimes when Im allowed out in the world I like to take a situation like.. being on a bus or at an intersection. And imagine being in a catastrophe and these are the people I am stuck with. Like an episode of Lost with less polar bears and way way more Jacks. Boring. I try to pick out who I would eat first. The sullen student looked like he'd taste gamey.

Now I am home and in the oven are big fat pillows of meringue getting nice and hard and crunchy for dessert later. I dont have 3 hours to wait so Im cooking them at a high temperature. Right now they are a soft brown and the apartment smells like caramel.

I fit right in! Like my cock in your mother!

2010-06-02T17:17:00.008-04:00

June - RJD2

Georgia - Cee Lo

Give It Up - J-Live & R.A The Rugged Man

Party and Bullshit (In The USA remix) - Notorious BIG w. Miley Cyrus

Why hello there sexy thing, come here often? Of course you dont cause theres fuckall here.

Well, that's not true anymore is it.. cause now there's this. So read it.

Ive been gone for a while. A blog is awesome when you have an hour to spare here and there and want to share some random shit with whichever random shit happens to read it. But since February I have made a point to make and keep myself seriously busy. I mean deadly serious. I mean keel over dead serious. 4real.

But. It has become overwhelmingly apparent that it is now June. In fact across the world my dearest thing is having its birthday and will later be filling its furry face with dutch beers and blue cheese mussels. This day was kind of like a marker for when I can start to come back to real life and stop being robot Kara trying to make time go by as fast as possible. So to celebrate Im doing what any newly born into the world thing does.. laying around crying, covered in my own mothers blood. That's a lie, I'm just writing a blog. But how fucked up and evil are babies?

So, one job turned to two jobs, which turned into, briefly but not briefly enough, three fucking jobs. And now Ive pared it down to one. The best one. Im in love. I'm keeping it. It lets me begin every morning by stocking a cafe with muffins, cookies, scones, cakes, CUPCAKES BROWNIES-- woah okay.. see, its a nice way to start the day. Even if its at six am. And then I spend the rest of my day, creating things. And trying hard not to burn shit. "It's not cookies burning you smell! You are all having seizures!"

My favourite part is that on mondays and tuesdays I am in charge of making the staff meal. So I just poke around in the walk in fridge, grab what seems to be in abundance, and start making whatever I want. Fucking brilliant. At the end of the day my white uniform is covered in raspberry blobs and cocoa powder dustings, smears of chocolate, bright streaks of buttercream. I strip the Van Gogh off my belly and enjoy a nice bike ride home. Sometimes you just have to tell the universe exactly, in perfect glowing detail what you want so it knows what to give you. I'm pretty happy.

Today aside from a nap and some good birthday chats I have started organizing things for the move in July. The antonym for my apartment right now is "order". Synonyms include "stink" and "sucks". I started on all this without realizing that once I pulled everything out and laid it in as many unorganized little piles on every flat surface, that I lacked boxes to pack it in after. And now its raining and boxes are OUT OF THE QUESTION! So Im laying here, in and on piles of clothes and books and tea and important papers, writing this. My body is at many awkward angles in order to accommodate this. I may not be able to get up.

Oh. I can. Success. Okay Im going to go eat some cheese and fart around for a bit. Peace out!

Butter Feet

2010-03-04T19:10:00.007-05:00

"The Sun's not yellow, it's chicken" - Bob Dylan

This is the actual colour of the sun! This is a picture I took with my camera to prove it. It's not even yellow like I have been drawing it my ENTIRE life. Sunshine Yellow crayons? Sticks of waxen lies. Its kind of a pinky white. Actually it kind of does look like a nice pale uncooked chicken. #fff5f2 is the hex code for all you NERDS!

So Pluto isnt a planet and the sun is not yellow, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHATS HAPPENING!?

Yesterday when I was baking cookies I needed to bring 2 pounds of butter to room temperature relatively fast. So, being the smart COOKIE (lolllz0rs) that I am, I placed them on top of the radiator! Because its hot, right? Yeaaah. And then I baked 6 dozen cookies... At the 7th dozen I turned to retrieve my butter to find my living room floor flooded with a gleaming golden swamp of unsalted Gaylea. Fuck. Although my floor looked quite lustrous. So I quickly mopped it up, cursing loudly and slipping all over the place while the kitten lazily watched me, judging me for my life choices.

Also sidenote, buttery feet smell disgusting.

Later that evening I was watching a television show with my brother in his room. I left to grab something from my room and while talking to him went to look at the window. Forgetting about the fresh coat of lacquer I applied this morning, I, while talking, slipped, slammed against the hot radiator and flew out of the open window. Luckily I caught myself on the ledge. I nearly died midsentence. No shit, I went nearly clear out of the window. It occurs to me now that my last thought in this world would have been "BUTTER!!!!" Bobby wouldn't have even known, he would have still been talking to me. Tragedy averted. So let this be a lesson to you.. I'm not sure what the lesson is. Butter will get you one way or another??

Fookie Cookies

2010-03-03T10:49:00.014-05:00

Brother Soul - Cookies

Look what I made!

Lemon Sables
Adapted from Dorie Greenspan
Makes 50

2 sticks (8 ounces) unsalted butter , softened
 1/2 cup granulated sugar
 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar, sifted
 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 large egg yolks, room temperature
 2 cups all-purpose flour.

For the decoration (optional):  1 egg yolk   and crystal sugar.

Working in a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter at medium speed until it is smooth and very creamy. Add the sugars and salt and continue to beat until smooth and velvety, not fluffy and airy, about 1 minute. Reduce the mixer speed to low and beat in 2 egg yolks, again beating until well blended.

Turn off the mixer, pour in the flour, drape a kitchen towel over the mixer and pulse the mixer about 5 times at low speed for 1 or 2 seconds each time. Take a peek; if there is still a lot of flour on the surface of the dough, pulse a couple of more times; if not, remove the towel. Continuing at low speed, stir for about 30 seconds more, just until the flour disappears into the dough and the dough looks uniformly moist. If you still have some flour on the bottom of the bowl, stop mixing and use a rubber spatula to work the rest of it into the dough. (The dough will not come together in a ball -- and it shouldn't. You want to work the dough as little as possible. What you're aiming for is a soft, moist, clumpy dough. When pinched, it should feel a little like Play-Doh.)

Scrape the dough onto a work surface, gather it into a ball and divide it in half. Shape each piece into a smooth log about 9 inches long (it's easiest to work on a piece of plastic wrap and use the plastic to help form the log). Wrap the logs well and chill them for at least 2 hours. The dough may be kept in the refrigerator for up to 3 days or frozen for up to 2 months.

When ready to bake, center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with a silicone baking mat or parchment paper and keep it at the ready.

To decorate the edges of the sables, whisk the egg yolk until smooth. Place one log of chilled dough on a piece of waxed paper and brush it with yolk (the glue), and then sprinkle the entire surface of the log with sugar. Trim the ends of the roll if they are ragged and slice the log into 1/3-inch-thick cookies.

Place the rounds on the baking sheet, leaving an inch of space between each cookie, and bake for 17 to 20 minutes, rotating the baking sheet at the halfway point. When properly baked, the cookies will be light brown on the bottom, lightly golden around the edges and pale on top. Let the cookies rest 1 or 2 minutes before carefully lifting them onto a cooling rack with a wide metal spatula. Repeat with the remaining log of dough. (Make sure the sheet is cool before baking each batch.)

Variations:  Lemon Sables Before mixing the butter and sugar together, pour the sugar in a bowl with the grated zest of 1 to 1 1/2 lemons. Work the zest and sugar together with your fingertips until the mixture is moist and aromatic, then cream it with the butter in the mixer.

Parmesan Sables Replace sugars with 3/4 cup very finely grated Parmesan added to the beaten butter. A few grains of fleur de sel may be gently pressed into the top of each sable before the baking sheet is slipped into the oven.

Ginger Molasses
Makes 45

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tsp cinnamon
pinch of pepper
2 tablespoons grated fresh ginger
3/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
1 cup white sugar

In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, beat ginger, butter, and 1 cup sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in molasses and egg. Gently fold in flour mixture until just combined. Chill for 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

Roll dough into 1 1/2 inch balls and then roll them in sugar. Place 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheets.

Bake until edges start to brown, about 15 minutes. Centers will be slightly soft. Let stand on cookie sheets 1 minute and remove to racks to cool completely.

Chocolate Chip with Pecan Brittle
Adapted from Dorie Greenspan
Makes 36

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup sugar
2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 large eggs
12 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips
1 cup chopped up pecan praline or some sort of nut if you wish

Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment or silicone mats.

Whisk together the flour, salt, and baking soda.

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with the paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter at medium speed for about 1 minute, until smooth. Add the sugars and beat for another 2 minutes or so, until well-blended. Beat in the vanilla. Add the eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each egg goes inches Reduce the mixer speed to low and add the dry ingredients in 3 portions, mixing only until each addition is incorporated. On low speed, or by hand with a rubber spatula, mix in the chocolate and nuts.

Spoon the dough by slightly rounded tablespoonfuls onto the baking sheets, leaving about 2 inches between spoonfuls.

Bake the cookies- one sheet at a time and rotating the sheet at the midway point- for 10-12 minutes, or until they are brown at the edges and golden in the center; they may still be a little soft in the middle, and that's just fine. Pull the sheet from the oven and allow the cookies to rest for 1 minute, then carefully, using a wide metal spatula, transfer them to racks to cool to room temperature.

Chocochunkers
Adapted from Dorie Greenspan
Makes 36

1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 3 pieces
6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 large eggs, at room temperature
2/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
6 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped into chunks, or 1 cup store-bought chocolate chips or chunks
6 ounces premium-quality white chocolate, chopped into chunks
1 cup salted peanuts
1/2 cup pistachio praline
1 cup cranberries

Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment or silicone mats.

Sift together the flour, cocoa, salt and baking powder.

Set a heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Add the butter, bittersweet and unsweetened chocolate and heat, stirring occasionally, just until melted -- the chocolate and butter should be smooth and shiny but not so hot that the butter separates. Remove the bowl from the heat and set it on the counter to cool.

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the eggs and sugar together on medium-high speed for about 2 minutes, until they are pale and foamy. Beat in the vanilla extract, then scrape down the bowl. Reduce the mixer speed to low and add the melted butter and chocolate, mixing only until incorporated. With a rubber spatula, scrape down the bowl, then, on low speed, add the dry ingredients. Mix just until the dry ingredients disappear into the dough, which will be thick, smooth and shiny. Scrape down the bowl and, using the rubber spatula, mix in the semisweet and milk (or white) chocolate chunks, nuts and raisins -- you'll have more crunchies than dough at this point.

Drop the dough by generously heaping tablespoonfuls onto the baking sheets, leaving about an inch of space between the mounds of dough.

Bake the cookies one sheet at a time for 10 to 12 minutes. The tops of the cookies will look a little dry but the interiors should still be soft. Remove the baking sheet and carefully, using a broad metal spatula, lift the cookies onto a cooling rack to cool to room temperature.

Repeat with the remaining dough, baking only one sheet of cookies at a time and making sure to cool the baking sheets between batches.

If, when the cookies are cooled, the chocolate is still gooey and you'd like it to be a bit firmer, just pop the cookies into the fridge for about 10 minutes.

No Sugar Peanut Butter
Adapted from Paula Dean
Makes 36

2 cups peanut butter, creamy or crunchy
2 2/3 cups baking sugar replacement (recommended: Splenda)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a large baking sheet.

In a mixing bowl, combine the peanut butter, 1 cup sugar replacement, the egg, and vanilla, and stir well with a spoon.

Roll the dough into balls the size of walnuts. Place the balls on the prepared baking sheet. With a fork, dipped in sugar replacement to prevent sticking, press a crisscross design on each cookie.

Bake for 12 minutes, remove from the oven, and sprinkle the cookies with some of the remaining sugar replacement. Cool slightly before removing from pan.

No Sugar Chocolate Chip
Adapted from Splenda
Makes 24

1/3 cup (80 mL) margarine, softened
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
2/3 cup Splenda, Granulated
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

With an electric mixer, cream margarine for 1 minute. Add egg and vanilla and beat on high for 1 minute. Add Splenda and beat until well blended. Combine flour, baking soda and salt; beat into mixture until smooth. Stir in chips.

Drop from small spoon onto ungreased baking sheets. Flatten slightly with back of spoon. Bake at 375°F (190°C) for 8 to 10 minutes or until browned on bottoms. Cool on rack. Store in air-tight container.

Robot Unicorn Attack

2010-03-02T21:18:00.008-05:00

You are a robot unicorn, you run super fast while blasting rainbows out of your head and when you die, you die with explosion. I pledge my life to this game. Please play it too and come to know my joy.

ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK!ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK!ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK!

Thanks Hayley!

Snozzberries

2010-03-02T19:51:00.002-05:00

Wonka is having a real life golden ticket contest. For real.

"Grand Prize winners will get a Trip Around the World: four destinations, three travel companions, and $12,500 to spend as you see fit."

I will have me a golden ticket. arrrrh.

Bibbobambam

2010-03-02T18:04:00.005-05:00

Superfast Jellyfish - Gorillaz Feat. Gruff Rhys And De La Soul

Stay On Your Toes - Del Tha Funky Homosapien

Sugar Magnolia - The Grateful Dead

X Offender - Blondie

Well well well, we meet again.

Im beginning to feel like you're following me.

Work was very nice today. I had a day shift for the first time ever. Everything was going swimmingly until the Chef-That-Thinks-Im-An-Idiot showed up and I fucked up the caramel sauce and she beat me to death with a runcible spoon. Oy veh. However I won her favour back and she made me a sandwich. Bibb lettuce, green apple and 7 year old cheddar on a warm crusty baguette with a glass of, wait for it... freshly squeezed orange juice. If there is anyway to endear me to you forever, make me a cheese sandwich. Damn.

After work I rode home and it was so mild and sunny that I de-toque'd. Glorious. On Gerard street a man in a crowd of people stopped, turned and looked right in my eyes and shouted "You've been lying to me for 10 years and I'm sick of it!" What a bitch I am.

Upon my arrival I was greeted with a package in my mail box!!!!!!! Inside was a t-shirt that came all the way from a boxing club in Albany, New York. Most specifically a Dr. X. t-shirt I ordered when I wanted to be Debbie Harry for halloween last year. Yayyy. There was also a signed photo of the man himself (see above). Awesome.

Nice bike rides, cheese sandwiches and packages in the mail. I'm happy as a lactose intolerant clam.

Im going to spend the rest of my evening with a pot of green tea, making some nice food and a playlist for the gym. I don't have very many High Energy Blood Pumping Toonz so if anyone has any suggestions, please please.. please let me know.

C-Ya-Suckers!

Nice'n Squeezy

2010-02-28T17:09:00.007-05:00

Geno - Dexy's Midnight Runners

Well Respected Man - Kinks

Nice'n'Sleazy - The Stranglers

Strange Ones - Supergrass

Coolness - King Curtis & Al Caiola

Hello my little gift boxes of butts.

Miss me?

Yeah I miss me too.

Its a very mild day outside. I would go out on a limb and say its freshness is vaguely spring like. But that limb is budless and birdless so I won't bother. Ive been in the kitchen with my hair wrapped in a fancy scarf that came free with my tub of becel margarine, chopping veggies and listening to music with every window open. Its very pleasurable. Days like this I get the itch for patios and beer. I think its the slight hint of grass smell in the air. Either from the ground or from other open windows.

AND as I sit here, now, this moment in time, contemplating, munching a singular sugar snap pea, I was struck with the sudden desire to blog a bit. So here goes.

Updates on me cuz I know y'all are just begging on your knees to know:

I'm now a for real life pastry cook now at an expensive downtown restaurant owned by a somewhat Canadian version of a celebrity chef. Home of the $36 hamburger. Nice one. I guess Ive been able to call myself a pastry cook for a while but it never really felt right.

My partner in crime is down under these days, fighting the penguin race on behalf of mankind. While simultaneously conducting an in depth analysis of the islands fish and chips situation.

The one eyed kitten head butted her way into the bathroom while I was peeing the other day and has been giving me the stink eye ever since. Although it could be just that she has one eye and I'm imagining things. Either way one of us no longer trusts the other completely.

What else.. oh!

I got a new apron in the mail from Cory's mom! Her friend Janice is learning to sew.

TADA!

Jealous?

I know you are, as it is funky as Jesus Christ. And that motherfucker invented Disco. On the CROSS. True story. Look it up.

Also I have been working like a capital B. AugGhh. Oh well, I'm so much less poor now! Hurrah! I can afford to keep myself in all the finest luxuries. I am buying my hummus in the tub instead of pureeing it myself. That's right. Store bought.

Oh my. Now I know Canada must have just won the gold because the ENTIRE city just errupted in hoots, hollers, woos, airhorns and every car in the place is driving around honking like madmen! Thats amazing. The entire neighborhood is screaming. Go Canada.

I'm off to make myself a nice fish supper.

L8S

Plebruary

2010-02-12T23:55:00.001-05:00

Kelley Stoltz - Pinecone

The Raveonettes - Suicide

Otis Rush - All Your Love I Miss Loving

Johnny Cash - Would You Lay With Me

Laura Veirs - Shadow Blues

Tom Waits - You Can Never Hold Back Spring

Plorpmonk

2009-12-22T19:16:00.001-05:00

Crackity Bones

2009-11-23T20:18:00.005-05:00

Once again I have broken myself. Ive spent the majority of the last few days laying flat on the floor, my blood flowing with cheap muscle relaxants trying to calm the lightning ricocheting through my insides. Last night I managed to get into just the right position for C-Word to yank my hip bone back into place with an audible pop and a crunch. Such sweet relief. And tonight Im going back to the gym for some more torture. Wish me luck, jerkbags!

Love, Kara

The Pixies - Crackity Jones

The Pain - Oh No

Aesop Rock - Bent Life

The Big Pink - Dominoes

Imelda May - Big Bad Handsome Man

Truckers Delight

2009-11-23T07:19:00.001-05:00

What.

Pizza Hat

2009-11-06T16:25:00.005-05:00

Norf.

Good evening all my friends. Tonight Im coming to you from C-Bags sparkling clean apartment in the ghetto. We have spent the better part of the day scrubbing our asses off and now while he whiles away the time at work Im having extremely high temperature showers alternating with mint chocolate munching. Pleasant. Also I'm wearing no pants AND downloading a brand new episode of my precious Supernatural. This is my ideal state of being.

Speaking of supernatural, everyones favourite monochromatic monarchs were in town this week. Prince "I Want To Be Your Tampon" Charles and his brother Camilla were trotting around cutting ribbons and collecting soapstone carvings, various forms of maple syrup and framed prints of historic landmarks. We Canadians give the most shitpoor gifts. BUT GUESS whose logo was printed on their feedbag? That's right, good ol D&D. I can totally say that I fed a prince. Wish he'd brought along Harry though. That ginger crotch'ed miscreant looks like he'd be a good time.

Not much else life stuff to report on. Mostly I'm in a state of disbelief that it's bloody November already. Its such a sneaky little bastard. One minute you're a slutty mermaid zombie drunkenly smearing your face on some half assed Batman and the next minute life is grey, somber and fucking freezing. I miss October.. come back to me, Octu-bray.

Well I was just wasting twenty minutes while my Boys finished downloading. I shall be leaving y'all now, for a better place. A place inhabited by a hot blonde in blue jeans with devil may care attitude. Le Sigh.

Because I'm awesome, I'll leave you with this...

Shock Horror!

2009-10-30T11:07:00.014-04:00

Good evening boys and GHOULS.

So glad you could drop in, KILL seekers! I welcome you to another agonizing installment of Kara's blog. I hope you're STARVING because tonight we shall be CARVING up some of the BEAST Halloween tunes manUNKIND has to OFF-HER. A veritable buffet of DEATH Metal and Pop ROT! You choose; BUTCHER or balladeer? This you SLAUGHTAHEAR Hahaha!

Fasten your drool cups, and ready your vomit bags, I call this putrescent pile of diseased dittys....

Thirty One Songs
of
Hallowe'en!

1. Vincent Price and Alice Cooper - Black Widow

2. The Ventures - Twilight Zone

3. Gorillaz - Ghost Train

4. Gravediggaz - Freak The Sorceress

5. Rob Zombie - American Witch

6. Gwar - Vlad The Impaler

7. Depeche Mode - Black Celebration

8. The Specials - Ghost Town

9. Zombie Prostitute - Voltaire

10. Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party

11. The Cramps - Human Fly

12. Fields of the Nephilim - Moonchild

13. Fantomas - Rosemary's Baby

14. Black Sabbath - The Wizard

15. Ennio Morricone - Bestiality

16. Pretty Balanced - Simon's Sleeping

17. Queens of the Stone Age - Burn The Witch

18. Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl

19. Oingo Boingo - Grey Matter

20. Bauhaus - Bela Lugosi's Dead

21. Tito Tarantula - After Dark

22. Tom Waits - A Good Man is Hard to Find

23. Cat Power - Werewolf

24. Alice Cooper - Feed My Frankenstein

25. Nouvelle Vague - Killing Moon

26. Echo & The Bunnymen - No Dark Things

27. Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion

28. Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine

29. Cold Blank - Marshmallow Man

30. Danny Elfman - This Is Halloween

31. Zero Kama - Death Posture

Now how about some EYE SCREAM for dessert? Guaranteed to chill you to the BONE. Or perhaps you have a tooth for something even sweeter.. tales of Halloween horror, perhaps? Well, DIG in!

Vincent Price's "How to See Ghosts, or Surely Bring Them To You"

Jarvis Cocker's "Halloween Tale"

Edgar Allen Poe's "Ulalume" read by Jeff Buckley

Campervan Ghandi

2009-10-29T21:20:00.001-04:00

This fellow here, Mark Boyle, is living without cash for an entire year. Living in a camper on a farm he uses a stove outside to cook on rain or shine, a bike to get around on and a solar powered laptop to stay connected to the world. For food he finds it, grows it, or barters for it. He wipes his ass with newspapers and brushes his teeth with ground cuttlefish bones. Hardcore.

I have always really loved the idea that you have to be the change you wish to see in the world so I find this pretty inspiring. He is also the founder of The Freeconomy Community.

Here is an article from the Guardian all about it.

Psychobubble

2009-10-29T20:34:00.006-04:00

Wall Of Voodoo - Ring Of Fire

Siouxsie and the Banshees ft. Marc Almond - Threat of Love

Oingo Boingo - Private Life

You know whats better than doing the dishes? Spending lengthy amounts of time analyzing yourself via internet personality tests. Yep, I know I'm the coolest cat in the ... thing that cats are in. Alley? Jazz-Funk band? Garbage Bag in the river? Pah.. Now I encourage y'all mufukkas to shimmy on over to SimilarMinds.com, take the test and post your results in my comments section so that I can judge you harshly. There's a while whackload on there so you can distract yourself from hours and hours of chores!

Here are my results:

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were very low which suggests you are extremely reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Awesomeness: Off the fucking charts.

Random descriptive words: secretive, reclusive, messy, disorganized, introverted, unassertive, rarely worries, dislikes large parties, does not like to fit in, does not need to control others, solitary, ambivalent about chaos, tough, leisurely, does not respect authority, not aggressive, observer, abstract, impractical, dislikes leadership, daydreamer, bizarre, does not make friends easily, not a perfectionist, suspicious, rarely irritated, strong physical instincts, unsympathetic at times, risk taker, submissive, weird, sarcastic, strange

So I'm a strange and paranoid hippy loner who laughs when you hurt yourself. Touché, Internet.

Capybara, Baby

2009-10-27T11:24:00.005-04:00

I almost forgot to mention how jealous I am of this! Please, for the love of god, look at these pictures: World Famous Capybara.

Internet Funtimes

2009-10-27T10:42:00.005-04:00

No explanation for that...

So I have pretty much spent the last couple of days clicking StumbleUpon over and over and over and over... the things I have seen, my friends. I can now fold napkins like a pro, turn Red Bull cans into tiny decorative boxes, bake perfect brownies, make Ikea lamps with bits of string.. magic. However I also read tales of great tragedy. Like the corpse that sat out on a balcony for a week before anyone called the police because everyone thought it was a Halloween display. The man who woke up in the hospital with an unecessary artificial rectum. And the lady that was arrested for beating the shit out of her sons for eating the last pork chop. I also learned shocking, life altering facts about the deadly poison we call bread and that it would take 16 shots of whiskey to kill me... Sounds like a challenge. A good portion of the time was spent on gritty political satire like this and that. In addition to all that; A DINOSAUR!!!

And then I popped some bubble wrap. YeeeeeahhhhH!

Lactating Angela Landsbury

2009-10-25T07:42:00.005-04:00

Bathing Flamingos: Daffodil Yellow, Retro Pink, Cherry Red, Persimmon, Leaf Green $11.50/yard.

Up at seven on a Sunday. That's A.M. Instantly regrettable. Scratchy throat, drippy nose.. nuuuggghhhets. Sipping mint tea with honey and staring out forlornly at the morning. Yellow leaves swaying against a violet sky. Very nice. The very least this morning could do is be pretty for me. I love people watching from my fourth floor window, but on Sunday mornings there are no people to ~~spit on~~ observe. From up here I just get the impression of hats and large breasts anyway.

The big news of the week is that my parents sold the Barrie house and bought one in Elliot Lake! Lightning bloody fast. I haven't seen the new place yet but it has a path from the backyard to the lake and a back porch so that's really all I need to hear. Well done, folks.

Going to head over to see my fluish corpse of a boyfriend and bring him out into the sunshine for the first time this week. My official task is to provide breakfast and to cushion his decent when he topples over like an old woman named Nelly. Pray to any and all gods for my safe return.

Curtis Mayfield - Move On Up

Blondie - I Know But I Don't Know

Iggy Pop - The Endless Sea

Trolls in My Hair

2009-10-19T16:17:00.010-04:00

Rah Rah - Tentacles

Kill The Dandies - She Walks Downtown

People in Planes - Moth

Mother Mother - Wrecking Ball

Jamie T - The Man's Machine

Hola Jolly Ranchers!

The internet is boring. It takes me about 82 minutes to exhaust the entire internets supply of food porn, celebrity gossip, music blogs and videos of kittens. Heartbreaking.

Lazy day... Lazy me, lazy cat, lazy eye. Even my dinner is lazy, as its composed primarily of ketchup. Look at this number pyramid and be mystified by mystery.

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Mind blown? I know, eh?

Hey this week at work I made choux swans beside pastry chef extraordinaire Sherry Yard. I wish I had known before hand how much of The Shit this woman is and I would have made more interesting conversation. Also kidnapped her and eaten her brains to absorb her powers. We had a team of Wolfgang Pucks chefs using our kitchen, and they were like a robot army of knife wielding precision. Sherry was a sweetheart and I'm pretty happy I got to experience a pastry chef who is so excited and engaged with what she does for a living. Here's a link to one of her books if you're so inclined.

I think I'm going to ride my bike over to Ryerson and lay in the sauna until my brain melts out of my ears and I reach nirvana. Mhm. Yes. That'll do. Peace out.

from Enrico Ascoli - Sound Design on Vimeo.

We All Moan for Scones

2009-10-15T16:08:00.007-04:00

TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me

Cat Power - Good Woman

Johnny Cash - Mary of the Wild Moor

Or.. Mon For Scones? Fall makes me hungry like the wolf. I'm trying to replace my usual cold weather comfort foods like huge bowls of macaroni and cheese with velveeta and you bake it and THEN it gets all gooey and brown and bubbly and you smear gobs all over soft french bread ughhnnghhh...... damn it.

Anyway I'm trying to replace THAT with healthful fall comforts, namely root vegetables.. and onions. For some reason I am binging on onions and chickpeas. Yormmp. HOWEVER I found a wee bottle of pimento left over from my southern cooking phase and a half brick of really, really old, old cheddar. Like, so old it actually was like grating an actual brick. For real.

This is just a basic scone mix I have added cheese, pimento and spices too. These are pretty much no fail in a food processor. They come out fluffy, with crunchy brown tops, and are IMMENSELY tasty. Scone perfection.

Spicy Cheddar & Pimento Scones
Makes 12
Time: 30 mins

2 cups unbleached A.P Flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 teaspoon salt
1 tsp sugar
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, chilled and cubed
1 1/2 cups grated old cheddar
2 tsp ground red pepper
2 tsp cumin
2 tbsp chopped pimento 1 cup heavy cream

Heat oven to 425°F.

Blend flour, baking powder, sugar and salt in large bowl or work bowl of food processor fitted with steel blade. Whisk together or pulse six times.

If making by hand, use two knives, a pastry blender or your fingertips and quickly cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse meal, with a few slightly larger butter lumps. Stir in currants. If using food processor, remove cover and distribute butter evenly over dry ingredients. Cover and pulse 12 times, each pulse lasting 1 second. Add currants and pulse one more time. Transfer dough to large bowl.

Stir in heavy cream with a rubber spatula or fork until dough begins to form, about 30 seconds.

Transfer dough and all dry, floury bits to countertop and knead dough by hand just until it comes together into a rough, sticky ball, 5 to 10 seconds. Form scones by either a) pressing the dough into an 8-inch cake pan, then turning the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface, cutting the dough into 8 wedges with either a knife or bench scraper (the book’s suggestion) or b) patting the dough onto a lightly floured work surface into a 3/4-inch thick circle, cutting pieces with a biscuit cutter, and pressing remaining scraps back into another piece (what I did) and cutting until dough has been used up. (Be warned if you use this latter method, the scones that are made from the remaining scraps will be much lumpier and less pretty, but taste fine. As in, I understand why they suggested the first method.)

Place rounds or wedges on ungreased baking sheet and brush a milk or egg wash on the tops. Bake until tops are light brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Cool on wire rack for at least 10 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Curry Monster

2009-10-07T18:22:00.000-04:00

Black Sabbath - Under The Sun

Crowded House - People are Like Suns

Elvis Perkins in Dearland - Slow Doomsday

Foghat - Slow Ride

Yesterday all I had the in the apartment for eating was a few tomatoes left over from pizza last weekend, a can of chickpeas and about 10,000 oranges. Why in Jesus, do I have so many oranges? It's like everytime I walk by a grocery store I'm compelled to buy a half dozen to add to my collection. They are nice though, these South African ones. All that nice African sunshine makes them taste like orange popsicles. Anyway, so, I made myself one heck of a curry. If you put your rice on before you start by the time the curry is finished, so is your rice and then it's going to get sexy.

I suggest serving this with some nice basmati rice and Reese Peanut Butter icecream bars. Bon Appetit.

Kara's Cheap and Easy Chickpea Curry (Chole)
Serves 4-6... or two...
Time: 20-25 minutes
Cost: .99c for chickpeas + $3 for tomatoes = $3.99

4-5 medium tomatoes
1 knobby of fresh ginger, peeled and grated
1 cloves garlic, chopped
1 small onion, chopped*

Olive oil
1 teaspoon cumin (seeds or powder)
6 bay leaves
2 teaspoons coriander powder
3 tbsp curry powder
1 teaspoon red chili powder (or more if you like it hot, some do)
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 cup skim milk (optional)

3 cups (2 15 oz cans) of cooked chickpeas/Garbanzo beans
1/2 cup slivered almonds (optional)

salt, pepper and honey

* Note: I didnt put onions in the recipe because I was out of onions and didnt use them and it came out just fine. I would however suggest adding a small onion, chopped, in with the garlic and ginger. I was also out of veg, tofu and/or meat so you could probably throw that in too!

Blend the tomatoes make a puree.

In a large skillet, heat the oil and lightly fry the garlic, ginger, cumin seeds and bay leaves for about 2 minutes over medium heat. Add all the rest of the spices with the flour and fry another 3 minutes.

In another small pan in 1 tbsp of oil, lightly toast the almonds and then add the chickpeas til golden brown and delicious.

Add almonds and chickpeas to tomato curry base and cook for another 10-15 minutes until it has reduced some and become nice and thick. Add salt, pepper, honey to taste.

Accordion Shredder

2009-10-06T15:00:00.000-04:00

Arousing.

Busty Asian Beauties

2009-10-03T20:12:00.005-04:00

Heh heh..

Hi

It's Me.

Kara Lackie.

Sup?

Oh I'm just here, writing a blog about writing a blog. Its going so well. Everything is pretty much either written in or about a blog or closely connected and appropriate to the matter of writing a blog. Nicely done, me.

The time is 8:15 PM. It is the third day of October and tonight is.. NUIT BLANCHE! Eee squeels of artcitement! Yeah, well, that's all fine and dandy for YOU mortals, those not shackled with the burden of pastry making duties. I have to work at midnight tonight so.. bAH! I'M MISSING OUT ON FREE INTERPRETIVE DANCE IN THE STREET! Arrrrrrrghhhhhh

Oh well. Tonight we're finishing up 1800 chocolate "jewel boxes" for the convention centre. Its going to be 8 hours of chocolate coated, bleary eyed tedium. I hope y'all take some pictures of the artistic happenings for me. It's not often I am jealous of you people.

Anyroad, I cant sleep because I spent nearly my entire day in bed watching Supernatural. Pantsless, blanketed with the kernels of popcorn that evaded my gaping gob and giggling quietely to myself. It was a good day.

Dean Winchester is fucking dreamy.

I have been working a lot this week, but it has been terrific and I'm not complaining at all. Firstly, OVERTIME, BITCHES. Secondly, its actually really relaxing, rewarding work. Its like instant gratification when the thing you have been doing for an hour comes out the oven and it has worked and then people pay money for it and eat it and get fat and smiley.

This has been my first week entirely in the pastry department and it feels damn good. I'm even starting to warm up to the idea that I am a pastry chef. I could call myself that and not feel like a sham! Thats a big deal I think.

Other than work not much has happened this week. Cory and I went to dinner at Swiss Chalet last night which was very nice, and then we saw Zombieland, which rocked so many socks. Pairs upon pairs.

Alright Im going to read for a bit, I will start blogging more though. It's nice to talk into this blank white box.

Peasout.

Gay Transformers From an Alternate Dimension

2009-09-20T13:37:00.001-04:00

From IO9.com

FAR FAR AWAY

2009-09-04T09:35:00.001-04:00

Dumbshit

2009-09-02T06:42:00.001-04:00

Wicked

2009-08-31T14:00:00.001-04:00

Mod Rom Com Fom Lom

2009-08-30T19:13:00.007-04:00

Plomp.

OKAY SO I had the best dream.

Immediately after baking a delicious peach and plum and berry bumble crumble I passed out on my bed with all my blankets on my face. I dreamed an entire romantic comedy. This is how it went..

I'm Drew Barrymore and I'm trying to rescue an orange cat named Smarmalade from the air vent in my house.

Then the doorbell rings! SURPRISE its my entire family come for a family reunion at 10 o clock at night! Everyone files in and starts cooking stuff in the kitchen when the doorbell rings again. Low and Behold its my ex husband. Brad Pitt. White tank top and aviators. Fuck yes.

Woah.

I'm initially angry he's here, cause I have my whole family here and it makes no sense plot-wise. He explains he has come tonight because he is going away for a long time and wants to "rekindle" our relationship one last time before he goes.. or two or three times, whatever. FUCK yes!

So we race into the basement where my family hasnt infiltrated yet, and start doing sexy Drew Barrymore Brad Pitt stuff when goddamn it, my baby cousin comes in to give me a mixtape she made me. So we decide to find somewhere private and sneak into the neighbors house cause they are away on vacation.

Only their 85 year old father isn't, and is very confused to see Brad Pitts naked ass on his couch.

Soooo after stealing some pie from his fridge, we run into the woods and start doing it by a river and ooooh its so romantic -- BAM! I fly off into the bushes and come out with a fish hook in my cheek-- an old man is fly fishing in the river and has caught me right in the face. ARGGH!

This continues for a while.. breaking into a hardware store by my house and the alarms go off.. trying to do it at the back of a theatre and a sewing circle comes in called the "Chai Knitters".. they drink chai tea and knit and go see midnight movies together.

"Is this the line-up for the Brad Pitt movie?"

Finally towards the end there is even a twist! It turns out Brad Pitt is sexually frustrating me on purpose because it's just really funny. I also have a wacky sidekick; my cousin Michelle who's career is shooting wacky youtube videos. Her current artistic vision is sumo wrestlers racing up a steep hill on tiny motorcycles. Excellent.

But of course I wake up before we actually do it, and now Im eating. I'm eating so much food now. Yum..

ALSO I FOUND MY DOG! He is a Brug (Brussels Griffin Terrier and Pug) and I want him to my hairy companion for the next 8 to 14 years!!

Brain Melt

2009-08-06T18:56:00.003-04:00

Also..

Pou La La

2009-08-01T21:25:00.001-04:00

Muddy Waters - Champagne and Reefer
Lazy Cowgirls - Can't You Do Anything Right?
Dr. Calypso - Music to Watch Girls By
Sheila - L'agent Secret

Turtle + Boot = Squeeky Love

2009-07-31T23:42:00.001-04:00

Puff Drunk Love

2009-07-17T19:54:00.019-04:00

I baked a cake, BITCHES!
And some choux to boot!

This week I made another cake for the fine crew of technicians over at Ryerson University! I also whipped up a batch of choux and filled them til they nearly burst with creamy goodness. Actually some did burst and as punishment for showing such weakness they were sacrificed to my gaping gob. Yowmch!

This is my favourite thing to make. It's like magic watching them blow up in the oven into delicious balloons. I love folding whipped cream into my custard because it gives it such a nice, light, almost bubbly mouth feel. I cheated though and used can stuff.

I also dipped the choux in sugar and plunked them face first onto my silpat so when I lifted them they were wearing jaunty little sugar berets!

I ate about a dozen of the Bailey's flavoured ones for breakfast and Im pretty sure I got drunk on puffs. Puff Drunk!

This cake, I think, its pretty lovely. Its a pitch black devils food fudge bomb with chocolate chunks and the icing is a swirling cloud of marshmallowy meringue. Lovely. Going to have to make this one just for myself next time.

Kara's Creamy Poofs
Makes exactly 1 buttload (4-5 dozen?)

Poofy Bit:

1 1/2 sticks butter
2 cups water
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cup all-purpose flour
8 - 9 eggs

Creamy Centre:

1 can of devonshire custard, or 2 cups of vanilla pudding, or 2 cups of pastry cream
500ml 35% cream

Whip the cream until stiff. Gently fold in the custard.

Variations: I put 2 shots of baileys in mine! You can also melt some chocolate, wait til it cools and fold that in as well.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).

In a large pot, bring water and butter to a rolling boil. This has to be a proper boil or the mixture will be too greasy. Stir in flour and salt until the mixture forms a ball. Transfer the dough to a large mixing bowl. Beat mixture on medium speed until it stops steaming. Using a wooden spoon or stand mixer, beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each. You are looking for the paste to be stiff enough to pipe out and more or less hold its shape. Drop by tablespoonfuls or pipe mounds onto an ungreased baking sheet.

Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown. Centers should be dry.

When the shells are cool, pipe cream into them.

Devil's Food White Out Cake
by Dorie Greenspan
Serves 6-8

For the cake:

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/4 sticks (10 tablespoons) unsalted butter, at room temperature

1/2 cup (packed) light brown sugar

1/2 cup sugar

3 large eggs, at room temperature

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled

1/2 cup buttermilk or whole milk, at room temperature

1/2 cup boiling water

4 ounces semisweet or milk chocolate, finely chopped, or 2/3 cup store-bought mini chocolate chips

(I also added a bit of espresso powder, because I have a problem.)

For the filling and frosting

1/2 cup egg whites (about 4 large)

1 cup sugar

3/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

1 cup water

1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract

GETTING READY: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter two 8-x-2-inch round cake pans, dust the insides with flour, tap out the excess and line the bottoms with parchment or wax paper. Put the pans on a baking sheet.

TO MAKE THE CAKE: Sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed until soft and creamy. Add the sugars and continue to beat for another 3 minutes. Add the eggs one by one, beating for 1 minute after each addition. Beat in the vanilla; don't be concerned if the mixture looks curdled. Reduce the mixer speed to low and mix in the melted chocolate. When it is fully incorporated, add the dry ingredients alternately with the buttermilk, adding the dry ingredients in 3 additions and the milk in 2 (begin and end with the dry ingredients); scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed and mix only until the ingredients disappear into the batter. At this point, the batter will be thick, like frosting. Still working on low speed, mix in the boiling water, which will thin the batter considerably. Switch to a rubber spatula, scrape down the bowl and stir in the chopped chocolate. Divide the batter evenly between the two pans and smooth the tops with the rubber spatula.

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, rotating the pans at the midway point. When fully baked, the cakes will be springy to the touch and a thin knife inserted into the centers will come out clean. Don't worry if the tops have a few small cracks. Transfer the cake pans to a rack and cool for about 5 minutes, then run a knife around the sides of the cakes, unmold them and peel off the paper liners. Invert and cool to room temperature right side up. (The cooled cake layers can be wrapped airtight and stored at room temperature overnight or frozen for up to 2 months.)

When you are ready to fill and frost the cake, inspect the layers. If the cakes have crowned, use a long serrated knife and a gentle sawing motion to even them. With the same knife, slice each layer horizontally in half. Set 3 layers aside and crumble the fourth layer; set the crumbs aside.

TO MAKE THE FILLING AND FROSTING: Put the egg whites in a clean, dry mixer bowl or in another large bowl. Have a candy thermometer at hand.

Put the sugar, cream of tartar and water in a small saucepan and stir to combine. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat, cover the pan and boil for 3 minutes. Uncover and allow the syrup to boil until it reaches 242 degrees F on the candy thermometer. While the syrup is cooking, start beating the egg whites.

When the syrup is at about 235 degrees F, begin beating the egg whites on medium speed with the whisk attachment or with a hand mixer. If the whites form firm, shiny peaks before the syrup reaches temperature, reduce the mixer speed to low and keep mixing the whites until the syrup catches up. With the mixer at medium speed, and standing back slightly, carefully pour in the hot syrup, pouring it between the beater(s) and the side of the bowl. Splatters are inevitable -- don't try to scrape them into the whites, just carry on. Add the vanilla extract and keep beating the whites at medium speed until they reach room temperature, about 5 minutes. You should have a smooth, shiny, marshmallowy frosting. Although you could keep it in the fridge in a pinch, it's really better to use it right now.

TO ASSEMBLE THE CAKE: Put a bottom layer cut side up on a cardboard cake round or on a cake plate protected by strips of wax or parchment paper. Using a long metal icing spatula, cover the layer generously with frosting. Top with a second layer, cut side up, and frost it. Finish with the third layer, cut side down, and frost the sides and top of the cake. Don't worry about smoothing the frosting -- it should be swirly. Now, cover the entire cake with the chocolate cake crumbs, gently pressing the crumbs into the filling with your fingers.

Refrigerate the cake for about 1 hour before serving. (If it's more convenient, you can chill the cake for 8 hours or more; cover it loosely and keep it away from foods with strong odors.)

SERVING: I think the cake is best at room temperature or just cool, but many people prefer it cold (the texture of the cake becomes fudgier after it has been refrigerated). No matter the temperature, the cake is so pretty it should be cut at the table, so bring it out on a platter and cut it into generous wedges using a serrated knife and a sawing motion.

STORING: The frosted cake can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 2 days; let it stand at room temperature for 30 minutes before serving, or longer if you have the time.

Pine Cones!

2009-07-16T18:04:00.001-04:00

Otis Redding - I've Been Loving You Too Long.mp3

The Owls - Air.mp3

Nouvelle Vague - Don't Go (Yazoo Cover).mp3

Johnny Cash - Would You Lay With Me.mp3

Haw Haw, my mom made me an owl bookmark and YOURS DIDN'T!

His name is Francophone T. Owle and he's an alcoholic.

Jealous?

I know you are. Must be pretty tough for you.

Anyway... I'm in the middle of doing chore-type stuff. Later on Im going out to get supplies as a cake and a dozen or so cream puffs shall be made for tomorrow morning. I'll put some pictures up if I can dig up Bro-Bots camera. See ya!

Also if you feel like sitting around looking properly fucking confused for a good hour and a half I recommend watching this: The 2012 Enigma by David Wilcock. Leave a comment if you do, cause I'm dying to hear what you have to say about that.

Basically the secret of life is... pinecones.

Fish Pie

2009-07-16T14:46:00.006-04:00

Been dabbling with some ideas for a chick comic called Fish Pie. It's a heart felt coming of age story about a chubby albino girl, her one eyed kitten, her best friend / amateur internet porn star living together in the city and getting in to all sorts of crazy happenstances. It's almost remarkably hip. Mostly Im just really into drawing boobs. Here's a few sketches.

Farm Trip!

2009-06-26T08:49:00.002-04:00

I have a buttload of blog drafts here, just going through them. Mostly they are just random thoughts and songs I felt like sharing at the time. However this one was going to be about this amazing trip I took with a bunch of George Brown folks. We went up to Grey County and had a wicked day taking in a huge farmers market and cattle auction (Keady Farmers Market), a grassroots grain company, an organic diary and a cute 100 mile market.

We enjoyed a completely 100 mile lunch buffet at Rocky Racoon Cafe in Owen Sound. That was really excellent. The Nepalese chef was all in red, smiling and passionate, eager to talk to us about how his restaurant works with local people and farmers to bring a new menu every day. The buffet had mainly curries and fresh local fish and veg. The walls were dark purple and covered in hundreds and hundreds of sets of salt and pepper shakers.

At the 100 mile market I bought a pack of 12 eggs in different hues ranging from molasses brown to toothpaste green and periwinkle blue. Apparently they are from chickens that belong to a dentist in the area who also grows lavendar after her great aunt. Lovely. I also bought an elk pepperoni stick, and a 10 pound sack of Red Fife Flour.

The organic diary was most interesting to me. Run by two german families, it was the cleanest farm I have ever been on in my life, not a speck of dirt, even the cows looked polished and dapper. I saw a baby cow coming right out of his mom, in a nice gooey sac. She looked mildly unnerved haha. Also, I was licked by a baby cow, a Bernese Mountain dog named Sam, and a small pregant cat. Very inspiring day.

Here's a wee article and clip from the trip if you're interested. Mostly I'm just writing this down for posterity.

Oh Me Oh My

2009-06-19T14:54:00.006-04:00

Incroyable!

Mos Def - Workers Comp.

Electrik Red - We Fuck You

Monsters are Waiting - I Wanna Be Adored

The Chalets - C'est Supercool

Baking caaaaakkkkke!

This is the carrot cake I made for Mindy (Cory's awesome Boss Lady) for Fathers Day! I've made this recipe three times now, always with success. It produces a dense, moist, ultra carroty cake with a very compact crumb which makes cutting it a breeze. The icing is fluffy, smooth and easy to work with. The lemon juice highlights the tangy cream cheese and downplays the sweetness, which I like. Tis a nice cake.

I swapped walnuts for pecans, turned the leftover brown sugar carrot juice and pineapple juice drippings into a simple syrup to brush over the cake to keep it moist, and added a little bit of whipping cream to the batter.. just 'cuz. Don't judge.

Carrot Cake

* 6 cups grated carrots
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 1 cup grated coconut
* 4 eggs
* 1 1/2 cups white sugar
* 3/4 cup vegetable oil
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* 1 cup crushed pineapple, drained
* 3 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1 cup chopped toasted pecans

1. In a medium bowl, combine grated carrots and brown sugar. Set aside for 60 minutes, then stir in coconut.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour two 10 inch cake pans.
3. In a large bowl, beat eggs until light. Gradually beat in the white sugar, oil and vanilla. Stir in the pineapple. Combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon, stir into the wet mixture until absorbed. Finally stir in the carrot mixture and the pecans Pour evenly into the prepared pans.
4. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes in the preheated oven, until cake tests done with a toothpick. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan. When completely cooled, frost with cream cheese frosting.

Cream Cheese Icing
(Makes 4 cups)

2 250-g packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1-1/2 cups icing sugar
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest *(I left this out)
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. With an electric mixer, beat cream cheese on medium speed until smooth.
2. Add in butter and continue to beat.
3. Reduce speed to low and add icing sugar, scraping sides as necessary.
4. Mix in remaining three ingredients, continuing to beat until fluffy.
5. If not using immediately, transfer to a container, cover lightly and chill.

Ribblort

2009-06-17T22:23:00.004-04:00

When I grow up I want to be a Cape Rain Frog.

Hideous.

2009-06-17T22:21:00.001-04:00

Prune Bum

2009-06-12T19:01:00.005-04:00

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks

Grizzly Bear vs. Dead Prez - Two Weeks of Hip Hop

I love Sundays.

So, I woke up to piles of dishes. Literally stacks of stacks, encrusted with week old butter cream sludge. It was a severe situation. I got the fuck out of there.

And went swimmmingggggg! Wrinkled myself up right and pruney, then sauna'd my brains out of my skull into a puddle beneath my wrinkly ass. It was lovely.

I then skipped my prune-bum off to the boyfriends and despite much thunder and lightening and distraction of all sorts managed to somehow convince him to let me buy him some breakfast. Also, as a side note, he got mace in his face last night. Hilarious.

Then it was breakfast, a pitcher of Amsterdam on a rooftop patio in the sunlight, followed by naps and horror movies.

Now I am home. There's groceries in the fridge, and I am happy. The apartment is still covered in dishes but I have neglected them for 5 days, whats another 12 hours or so? My plan for the rest of the evening is to eat chocolate and watch Kate Winslet movies while Cory is off at his friends playing videogames and eating BBQ chicken. We are grownups.

P.S: That Grizzly Bear track is exactly Tears for Fears

Mmm Jerbs!

2009-06-07T20:42:00.001-04:00

Arrharr

2009-06-06T22:56:00.002-04:00

Blueberry Birthday Pieeeee!

That leaaaked out one of its holes! Leaked sweet blueby goodness! Mmmm, hmmm. Happy Birthday, Stinkass!

Bloody Ballsy

2009-06-05T22:15:00.004-04:00

Article here.

Spicy like Groin Pain

2009-06-05T20:50:00.013-04:00

XDS - Argentine Pears.mp3
Grizzly Bear - Knife.mp3
Blockhead - Cheer Up You're Not Dead.mp3
France Gall - Nefertiti.mp3
The Toothaches - Sophia.mp3

Hello melon ballers,

I'm coming to you live from my dining-bed-living room. All around me lies the evidence of carnage and devastation. The remains of many brave chocolate popsicles litter the quilted landscape. Bingo tickets have been scratched like a cheap paint job and tossed away in crumpled balls. Like a queen among the rubble a chub belled cat sighs disdainfully at the Dorito cheese goo that coats her furry hide. Yes, my cat is now nacho cheese flavoured.

Well, what happened was, I have the evening to MYSELF! So I went and filled it with popsicles and chips and gambling and internet boobs and what not. It's a maelstrom of disreputable happenings. It's really wild. I may watch a Kate Winslet movie later on even. WHY THE FUCK NOT!

Earlier I couldn't decide whether I should try to sneak into the Grizzly Bear show across the road or bake a pie. Of course pie always wins out (less walking involved + more eating involved = win) but I have no flour so Im just laying around being a minimum wage sensualist indulging in my convenience store sins.

Also I can hear the people on their way to the Grizzly Bear show talking outside my window about granola, so I made the right choice.

This week has been mental man. My brain is numb, my feet are screaming, my back is cracky and I look like a fucking lobster faced goon. I mean, this is my face:

RAWWRRRBsteR. Scary.

And now, for a reason I cant completely ascertain, babies dressed up, as lobsters:

Hornk.

Poor taste, or delicious taste?

This may just be some kind of crazy latin communion dress, but close enough.

I don't understand, these pictures are clearly not taken for halloween. Is this what poor people serve at dinner parties and pretend they are rich and eating fancy foods? There's approximately 13981230912 pictures of babies in fucked up lobster costumes on the internet, what the hell is going on. I WANT ANSWERS!

Their future:

Also it's not limited to babies, this scurge has also been infecting dogs.

Haha. This dog is so disappointed in you.

Meatballs! Meatballs!

2009-05-30T21:18:00.003-04:00

Just went to being possibly unemployed to a 60+ hour work week! Nice one, universe!

God Help The Girl - Come Monday Night

PJ Harvey - Working For The Man

Of Montreal - Spoonful of Sugar

Cat Monster!

2009-05-28T22:17:00.002-04:00

This cat.. has wings.. that is awesome!

Read more about it here. Apparently its boring cause all kinds of cats in China have wings. Lah dee dah.

Wtf.

Stinkwaddle

2009-05-28T21:56:00.003-04:00

Tiny Vannnnn!

I'm going to make my millions by writing a diet plan book where people cleanse their body by eating only water and ice. The concept is based on the idea that just as mother earth finds renewal in a good old fashioned Ice Age, so should her children i.e us. This is a cheap, effective way to detoxify and shed numerous unwanted pounds. It also has that golden eco-chic factor in that it mentions the earth. It will be called "Thin Ice" and peole will walk around saying "no thanks, I'm on Thin Ice" LOLLLLLL. Give me money now.

Lastly, it has the upside that everyone who buys this book will either a) succeed and die, or b) fail and feel like a big fat failure while I spend their money on Ritter Sport chocolate bars.

I have not written a blog in quite some time because frankly Im too busy to be burdened with having thoughts and reactions to things in my daily life. Actually scratch that, I'm too lazy. But you will be happy to know that in the last month I have...

Completed school! I am now a baker!

Hoots and hollers.

It's all very exciting. Especially for my hands, which now spend the same amount of time on fire as not on fire. I have this sweet blister on my pinky that looked like an obese garden slug when it first rose up. Creme Caramel is as dangerous as it is delicious. Here is a picture of some dough growing up big and strong on my nice warm window sill. This was a week or two ago though. My windowsill today is too cold and grey and wet for dough babies to sleep on.

Goodnight now!

The Great Grand Marm

2009-05-19T17:48:00.004-04:00

Sausage Ponies

2009-05-15T23:17:00.006-04:00

READ THIS NOW. Mythical Sausage Pony Monster Sighting.

Also this..

Blar Blar Blar.

2009-03-19T10:35:00.010-04:00

Fats Waller & His Rhythm - Spring Cleaning

Harlem - Beautiful & Very Smart

Blondie - Good Boys

Buillon - Are You The One?

Making croissants, bagels and Danishes in class
Cadbury cream eggs
Cucumber and feta sandwiches with tea and an orange
Clean floooooors
Tikka paneer kabobs and naan
Scrabble with B-Bot
Triple Sec in my coke-a-cola
Episodes of The Shield
I before E except after C
Scheild.

I've bought new running shoes. They look like a gay space disco. They feel... actually, like a gay space disco! It's very nice. I have been racing up every stairway Ive come across, regardless of whether or not Ive been headed that direction. I float like a butterfly, I stink like a bee, I'm walking on sunshine! Woooahhh! And don't it feel good.

Crumpet Trumpet

2009-03-12T16:46:00.005-04:00

I ate too many chee................

Zez!

Now I cant stop far..............................

TING!

Everybody trebuchet!

Coulis Cowboy

2009-03-12T16:27:00.004-04:00

The universe is giving me gifts today. First it was just enough change in my pocket for a coffee and a muffin, down to the very last cent. Nice.

Next I found a fortune cookie on the last empty table in the cafeteria! It read "Stop procrastinating - starting tomorrow." Ha ha ha, cheeky little cookie bastard.

And thirdly, someone left a giant Bentley bag leaning up against my bicycle, and I thought "What ho! Look here! A gift most glorious hath been bestoweth upon me!" Inside was a multitude of terrifying items including a pair of leather hush puppies, some black condoms, and blood. Score!

So as I sit here typing this, in my fancy new shoes, wearing my swanky new black condoms, I reflect upon how lucky I am in life. Thanks, baby Jesus, Allah, or The Japanese. Whoever is up there, looking down, fucking with me continuously. It's nice to feel special.

Also my spellchecker keeps underlining the word "whoever". Whoever is a word, right??? It is. Isn't it?? Wtf. Why ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, SPELLCHECKER! YOU LYING WHORE!

Getting Fruity

2009-03-06T14:27:00.009-05:00

So I just skipped class to buy a case of prickly pears. Oops. Probably not the best decision but good christ did it ever feel good. It's so sunny and warm out I ended up taking off my jacket and just wearing a t-shirt. Along the way to pick up the prickly pears I accumulated many other things that struck my fancy. Fancy things... SUCH AS!

A jasmine plant in mid-bloom
Organic lemons and limes
California strawberries and blackberries
Newcastle Brown Ale
Creme de Cassis, blackcurrant liqueur
Triple Sec, orange liqueur
Valrhona Chocolates: Manjari Orange and Guandaja Grue
Cardamom pods
Prickly Pears!

And some not so fancy but still wonderful stuff like fresh churned butter, free range eggs and not quite so fresh and free range yeast packets. And now, my dear hearts, I am going to do the dishes, get a bit tipsy, and drumroll please.. bake some shit up.

WOOO!

14 Entire Degrees!

2009-03-06T10:22:00.009-05:00

Stiff Little Fingers - Alternative Ulster

Fujiya & Miyagi - Dishwasher

Wilco - I'm Always in Love

Camera Obscura - Razzle Dazzle Rose

hHAraoagh! It is 14 degrees outside right now!! And that's above zero!

My window wide open! Im wearing a tshirt! And no FUCKING SOCKS! Outside I can hear birds and children chirping. Also I am eating a pear. Damn its a fine combination of springly things.

I don't have too much to write about. I have to jaunt off to school in a bit, but for now Im enjoying being warm and lazy on my bed. I think I shall go for a bike ride tonight!

Cory came down with food poisoning on Wednesday night. Or should I say, came up with it. Over and over again. He described it as "death metal screaming into the toilet". Finally he managed last night to have a soupson of soup and today is able to somewhat interact in the world. His pain is funny. Ha ha.

Ive got this bread book out of the library so I am looking forward to playing around with some blobs of dough at some point. ALSO THE WATCHMEN IS COMING OUT TODAY! Hype, hype, etc. Im excited though, it's gonna be good.

Anyway this is boring so Im going to close my eyes for an hour.

Some of my friends are Straight Edge

2009-02-27T22:48:00.006-05:00

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Ha. Fucking excellent.

Man. I'm bushwhacked. I worked two shifts today in my respective foodly areas; food shop and pastry department. Around 7pm my uniform magically turns from black to white causing everyone around me great confusion. "Is black Kara the same as white Kara? Why is she different? Why isnt everything the same still? Is white Kara going to hurt me? WHY ARE MY PANTS SO WET!?"

Before that my morning consisted of such adult duties as doing my taxes and switching to a high interest savings account. WAAAHHHDeeeattthhhhhh..

NOW I am drinking white wine out of a dirty mug, texting B-Bot to bring home some pop, and.. yeah.. I thought so. I smell like a meat pie.

OH! Yesterday I saw a dead thing! Tra la la! Death and taxes, d00d.

It was a dead cat. I knew this cat too, this was a cat friend of mine. Only last night it looked not like a cat but like a cat shaped object. It was very strange. What used to be a chubby angel faced kitt-o was suddenly horizontal, stiff and missing half it's angel face. I saw her eyeball in its entirety. Never having seen a dead thing before I was surprised by my realistic reaction. I felt horror! Real life horror! It was like.. fear and paranoia and gross all missed together. Mostly paranoia. I ran home convinced this was an omen of my doom and destruction. A coffee cup blew into my foot while I was running and I made a bit of poo in my pants thinking it was The Devil come to cut a hole in me from which to take out my soul for keeps. Phoo..Big day for me..

Now I'm going to have some pop and dream about punching you in the face. SEE YOU, FOOLS!

Troutfaced Lollygagger

2009-02-24T16:44:00.007-05:00

Knaan ft. Mos Def & Chali 2na - America

Passion Pit - Cuddle Fuddle

The Clash - Jimmy Jazz

Orange Juice - Rip It Up

Al Hirt - Clarinet Marmalade

SUP, FOOLISH?

Yeah, thats right. I called you a fool. Show some respect!

Literally demanding respect, gains respect.

RESPECT ME!!!

So I'm at home, homes. In Barrie, itching from dog danders and poorly painting the odd piece of wood or wall. I felt like writing a blog but my family feels like playing cards.

ABANDABALON'ED!!!!

Womp Pillow

2009-02-21T00:22:00.003-05:00

Madeleine Peyroux - You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

Marissa Nadler - Loner

Swan Lake - Spider

I rode my bike home after work tonight clutching a paper bag against my handlebar. Hiding inside was a steamy apple croissant freshly stolen from the oven for my brother. Fresh air and french pastries make my soul smile quietly in my stomach. I'm so very ready for this upcoming reading week.

Pheeeeeoooowwww...

"Swan Lake" reminds me of when I was obsessed with the name Odette from Swan Lake. I named my Barbie Odette and she ran a used clothing store called "Denim & Lace". Both denim and lace were hot in the early 90's apparently...

I am now going to harrass the cat.

Maxin' and Relaxin'

2009-02-18T22:48:00.005-05:00

The Honey Trees - Edelweiss

Lucy and the Caterpillar - Beans on Toast

Kay Pettigrew - Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Keren Ann - Lay Your Head Down

Why don't you lay your head down, in my arms, in my arms...

I've just come home from a tea tasting and am zen'd up and zoned out.

A demo was put on at the school by the fellow who owns Oikos Teas. Entirely organic, tip top quality, strictly Ceylon teas. He travels to Sri Lanka, watches them pick and dry the tea and tastes it on premises then has it couriered to him in small batches. Unfortunately he doesnt have a website or an online shop, which is a serious problem.

I actually know him from the shop as well, he comes in and buys croissants often. He's a very soft spoken Sri Lankan man who is passionately in love with tea. I love listening to him talk, something about him makes me feel very calm. It was such a nice, relaxing time. He recognized me and loaded me up with exactly one buttload of some of the finest black tea available. I've now got a jar of broken pekoe flowery fanning.. something? I don't know the grading system, it's made up, old fashioned gobbledgook anyway apparently. We tried a black tea that was so dark it looked like coffee in the pot. It smelled like summer and left a green ring of chlorophyl in the cup. We sipped on gentle silver needle white tea and a very unique looking green tea called "twisted nail". Mmph. Lovely.

Speaking of tea I accomplished something from my To Do list from a while ago. My Linden tree tea arrived from the UK and my gosh is it lovely. I'm usually not one for tisane but this is so mellow and sweet. Maz remind me and I'll bring you some of these sometime!

Also, last night, I went to the Opera. Lah-Dee-Fuckin-Dah eh! I rode my bike there and wore a t-shirt and jeans, but they let me in anyway, the suckers. I had a date, with Amanda, and we had a splendid time. We saw Dvorak's Rusalka and it was really quite out of sight.

AND today in class we made petit four glace, which is the most pretentious of all small pastries!
I've had such a high class couple of days. You're so jealous of my tiny cake making, tea slurping, opera viewing ass. You don't have to admit to it, I know it.

On a more down to earth note, this evening I made country fried steak, black eyed peas'n rice, and corn on the cob. It was more or less successful. I find cooking meat to be problematic. Cory looked like he was chewing on a rawhide but insisted it was fine.. gorm..

ALSO! SHIT! I forgot to call home. Sorry you guys. I got home at 9:30 and have been dicking around since. Oops. I'll call tomorrow, I swear! Maybe... probably.. no promises.. I get distracted by things.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Goodnight moon, Goodnight blog.

Honey Songs

2009-02-16T19:14:00.011-05:00

We got too much time to kill
like pigeons on my windowsill
we hang around

This apartment is lacking in the sweet stuff. I'm forced to get my quick fix from a squirt bottle of honey. When the sticky sweet hits my tongue I get goosebumps. I admit it will do the trick, until I can get a hit of Cadbury's.

An impromptu verse!

Rot Face
From outer space
Come over to my place
And do my dishes.

Wow that blew...
I'd do a haiku
if I knew how to
But I don't so fuck off

Bahhhh I don't want to do my homework, baaahhhhhhhhh. Here's some honey themed music for distraction.

Headless Heroes - Just Like Honey

Black Joe Lewis & The Honey Bears - Bitch I Love You

Amy Honey - Farley Mowat

Arthur Lewis - Honey & The Moon

And one of my favourite songs of all time..

Fats Waller - Honeysuckle Rose

Today was a most excellent day. It started off with making pancakes for breakfast with coffee AND orange juice, what luxury! Loafing about watching the X-Files. Sunny bike rides through the deserted city. Sitting on metal cows in the middle of the financial district. Chai lattes and talk of traveling away. Eating taco bell IN the theatre while watching a horror movie. Hair stroking and holding fingers in the dark. It was an idyllic few days actually.

We did our Valentines day schazzmo on Friday the 13th. Eating spicy stuff at the same Malabari restaurant we went to last year. This time it was packed which was really nice to see. We went cavorting through Honest Ed's and C-Word bought me a sweet saucier for sauciering things!

On V-Day we took the streetcar to China Town and had Chinese Lobster with Jordan. I watched the boys mow down on lobster carcass while I nibbled gingerly on some stir fried watercress. You could watch the waiters catch your lobster from a tank before you ate it. A large Grouper I nick named Thomas Dolby swam in one place staring at me with a look of discontent while I ate. After dinner we LITERALLY ran away from Jordan to catch a streetcar. He stood at the intersection waving goodbye, carrying a retro tennis bag filled with a mandolin. That night we laid naked in bed shoving chocolate into our mouths and drinking rye and cokes. Beautiful.

Now though I'm faced with the reality of coming back to a trashed apartment to eat honey out of the bottle for dinner and hover frowning over the pile of dishes in the sink. Boo!

BOO!

Anyway I have to do some homework, so bugger off will you.

Old Fashioned Pancakes

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 1/4 cups milk
1 egg

In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Make a well in the center and pour in the milk, egg and melted butter; mix until smooth.

Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

Oh my

2009-02-12T22:01:00.003-05:00

I should never have kids, because I WILL put them on drugs for shits and giggles.

Also put headphones on and listen to this, it's BLOWING MINDS!

Baha

2009-02-10T22:37:00.005-05:00

Now I can stop being berated constantly for not knowing how to operate a blanket! Finally my bruises will have time to heal!

Chocowokko

2009-02-10T21:46:00.003-05:00

Munched on this on the train home from Oakville yesterday. I bought this in a British themed store in Bronte Village. Cadbury milk chocolate with cookie bits and cherry jellies. Not awesome, but apparently good enough to eat an entire bar without blinking. Bahhh.

Also these are pretty cute.

Conversation Heart Mini Cakes at EzraPoundCake.com

Bon Appetito, Peppito

2009-02-10T19:35:00.006-05:00

YOU CAN'T!

Eventually while typing Tuesday I will write Toesday. And I snicker when that beautiful little deviation occurs. Toesday. Imagine!

Today in baking class, we made cakes. Quelle fucking soo-preez. Buttercream and vanilla sponge celebration cakes. I shall take a picture tomorrow for showing off my tasty cakes.

I used to hate it when people randomly inserted french words into their vernacular. Is it a Canadian thing?

My own bed hasnt been slept in by my own self in four nights. Which feels great, cause my bed has all kinds of crap on it. Books and chocolate bar wrappers, that sort of thing. I was off visiting home! I spent the majority of my time in the kitchen cooking away with my mom as my sous chef.

I made all this stuff:

Proscuitto Wrapped Chicken with
Asiago Cheese, Roasted Red Pepper and Baby Spinach

4 large boneles, skinless chicken breasts
(or 8 small ones, hammered flat and used together)
1 roasted red pepper
small bunch of baby spinach
1 cup asiago cheese, grated
8 slices of proscuitto

For the Red Pepper:

Set oven to broil. Quarter the red pepper and place on a tray on the top rack. Remove when the skin has turned black and immediately transfer to a plastic bag. Set aside for 10-15 minutes and then peel off the skin.

For the Chicken:

Preheat oven to 375°F.

Lay down 2 slices of the prosciutto, overlapping them slightly along their long edge, to form a large rectangle.

Place a chicken breast lengthwise at the short end and slit it open along one side to create a wide pocket. Stuff the pocket with spinach leaves, a slice of roasted red pepper and cheese. Roll up tightly with the proscuitto. Repeat with remaining chicken breasts.

Place on a baking sheet, seam side down and bake until golden and cooked through, about 15 minutes.

Cheesy Pea Risotto

8 cups chicken stock
3 onions or shallots, peeled and chopped
3 tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2 cups Arborio rice
1 cup white wine *optional
1 cup frozen peas
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper

Heat chicken stock in a saucepan.

In another medium saucepan, sauté the onions or shallots with the olive oil over medium high heat until softened.

Add garlic and Arborio rice and stir until the grains are well coated with oil and slightly toasted, about 3 minutes.

Add wine if you have any. Stir until the wine has been absorbed by the rice.

Begin adding the heated stock, one ladle-full at a time, allowing it to be absorbed by the rice, before adding more.

Continue adding stock, stirring frequently until the risotto is tender and creamy.

Season with salt and pepper and add peas and cheese. Stir well.

Brown Sugar Angel Food Cake

1 1/2 cups cake flour
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
14 large egg whites
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Sift together the flour, brown sugar and salt twice onto a piece of waxed paper or parchment.

In an electric mixer, whip the egg whites on low speed until frothly. Add the cream of tartar, increase the speed , and whip until the whites hold soft peaks. Whip in the vanilla and almond extracts.

Transfer the white to a large mixing bowl. Sift the flour and brown sugar mixture over the whites in three additions, folding them in with a large flat rubber spatula.

Turn the batter into an ungreased 12-cup angel food cake pan. Bake for 20 minutes, or until the cake springs back when touched.

* My gram had a non-stick angel food cake pan so I just lightly greased the pan and coated it in white sugar so the cake would have something to grab on to while it was raising.

Remove from the oven, invert the mold, and let cool in the pan. Run a thin knife around the sides of the pan. Unmold the cake.

"Frenched" Whipped Cream with Hazelnut Praline Dust

2 cups whipping cream
1 cup custard

Whip the whipped cream up to stiff peaks, carefully fold in custard.

Hazelnut Praline

1 cup hazelnuts
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water

Line baking tray with aluminum foil, shiny side up. Bake hazelnuts on the tray at 400 degrees until nicely toasted and wonderful smelling.

Boil the sugar and water until it turns a golden caramel colour. Pour out over the hazelnuts, coating every one. Once hardened, pull it off the tray and pulse in a food processor until almost dust.

Add to whipped cream.

Blob generously on angel food cake and make obscene noises.

Spicy Ferret, Smoking Crab

2009-02-05T23:17:00.006-05:00

Ooooh noooooo.. I think this months official blog topic has become "bizarre instances of animal abuse"...

Get off the set!

2009-02-05T16:32:00.006-05:00

THE KITTEN GOT SHAVED!

Ha haaaa hilarious.

Today while I was waiting at an intersection a man ran out of a coffee shop to shake my hand and ask me how much I paid for my bicycle. I felt a certain amount of chargin at the probability that answering this question would lead to the theft of my bike. For a moment I was absolutely certain I was going to have to stab this toothless cunt right there in the street and ruin my day. I've never stabbed a dude before. Instead I just shook his hand and said "A fair penny, sir!" and rode off in the opposite direction I wanted to go. As fast as I could.

Yellow Fever - Hellfire
Blockhead - Cheer Up You're Not Dead
The Cansecos - Raised By Wolves
Destroyer - Foam Hands
Antony and the Johnsons - Twilight

My dietary habits today:

Breakfast: coffee and a brownie
Lunch: pint of beer
Dinner: fuzzy peaches, salt and vinegar chips and a Lindt chocolate bar

Oy veh.

The lindt chocolate bar and fuzzy peaches were a present from my excellent brother who also gifted me a set of salt and pepper shakers. He said he thought I would like them because they are very very small, and chubby. He was so right.

Hourly Comic Day!

2009-02-01T21:03:00.021-05:00

A comic for every hour of today

for Hourly Comic Day 2009.

Every hour except 11pm, cause I'm sleepy, damn it.

Goodnight!

Also you can see other people's hourly comics here.

7am: rude awakening...

8am: water rituals

9am: breakfast with the usual suspects;
Cory and the fine gents at Johnny G's

10am: cupcake expedition
(this was actually my homework, to eat cake)
* Editors Note: Cory's Scarf is triangular, not rectangular.
I have been informed he has never and will never wear
a rectangular scarf. What a freaking fashionista.

11am: Operation Cupcake Munch
TREMENDOUS FAILURE!

12pm: napping, whispering sweet pizza themed nothings
1pm: watching episode two of the Fringe and
being confused by its non science.
Apparently only one arm of my sweater is white.

2pm: eating clementines in the park on my way home
3pm: crackers for lunch with my kitchen pigeon

4pm: tracing over pencil comics with dark markers
5pm: surfing the world wide web on the internet
6pm: eating some marshmallows I found
7pm: Tom Cruise is batshit crazy
8pm: sippin' orange pekoe in my peacock mug
9pm: snarfing Ocean Spray™ cranberries and
discovering mystery wound

10pm: soup is good food

Pssffttt..

2009-02-01T19:22:00.003-05:00

Tom Cruise, ladies and gentlemen.

Hourly Comic Day Eve!

2009-01-31T20:26:00.005-05:00

Alright. Okay. EEEE. Okay. Calm Down. Okay. I'm gonna do it. I really am going to do this. Tomorrow. So it is written, so shall it be done.

Hourly Comic Day

Barfday!

2009-01-27T21:13:00.006-05:00

Happy Birthday Fredgers!

I have a birthday wish for you
to use your natural aspects
(your natural gas duct)
to ignite fireworks in the sky
that write with brilliant shining light
(and a bit of poo smell)
"Come all, come near,
there's a party up in here!"

It is late, but it's from the butt. I mean heart! Besides, you know how tardy I am anyway. Hope it was a good day, I'm glad you had cake all up in your face.

Love, Kara

Plastic in the Nineties

2009-01-27T16:36:00.017-05:00

Facets of the Kara Diamond
Episode: The Toys of '96

This is my favourite action figure. I don't really have to explain why, do I? Storm rules. If I was a Bodysnatcher I'd snatch hers. Her only flaw was that her feet were twice the size of her head for some reason.. still hot though.

And THIS! Was my favourite one to play with! Not sure what exactly this dude did on the Seaquest DSV (due to not noticing anything in it that wasn't Jonathan Brandis preee-owhowhow).

In my world though he was Hank. He lived in a cave and invented weapons for my siblings' toys to use against each other. Look at this sauve mother fucker. Sweet leather coat, suspenders, rockin' metal boots, round glasses, a fucking HARPOON *AND* a monkey butler. My dream man.

And these were my favourite toys that weren't for playing. Fox "The Fox" Mulder and Dana "Because They Came In A Set" Scully. NO TOUCHING! They just posed on my stereo and looked cool while I threw down my shit to Dance Mix 95'.

So what the hell was your favourite then, plumpants?

Sunshine, Moviestar: Sweet Dreams!

2009-01-27T16:14:00.006-05:00

I can't even be bothered to slice my bread today. Fuck it, I'm just chunking it off! CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK.

I am a forceful chunker.

Dear Internet,

Today was a pleasant day. Filled with carrot cake and marzy-pan roses. On the way home an old lady stopped to tell me how important it is to wear my gloves and wool socks. Always always I must keep my body warm. And when that time of the month comes, when that most painful time comes, I must mix ginger in boiling water with a bit of brandy and everything will be okay. She also advised me to love my mother and to avoid breaking my hip. Nice!

Yesterday a Rastafarian on some sort of chemical mood enhancement system told me that he is going to call me Emily. In the park a giant stinking man that reminded me of the clown from Spawn The Movie tried to steal my lemon chiffon cake. His breath smelled like some corpse left to rot in the sun.

GIVE ME THAT PIE LITTLE GIRL!

I may or may not have to be at work in 4 minutes. By the time I find out I shall already be late.

PAH-Luh.

P.S Your mom officially now looks better in jeans than Jessica Simpson.

Ox Time!

2009-01-26T14:36:00.008-05:00

HAPPY CHINESE AWESOME NEW YEAR!
(bitches?)

My Sunday was spent somewhere in the jungles of North York with my chum Jordan doin' all sorts of crazy things as kids as we may do. We wandered through this giant Chinese Mall- The Pacific Mall- and pretty much just ate every random neat sounding sweet thing we saw. INCLUDING but not restricted to...

- Moomin' fruit candies

- Grape KitKat bars

- Dragon Beard candy: kind of like cotton candy if it were made of white thread

- Honeysuckle and Chrysanthemum tea

- Chinese soy juice boxes

- Bubble Tea ooouu sexy sexy!a

- A fine assortment of buns

- Glutinous rice products of various colours and descriptions

Ah it was a fine time indeed. The sugar is still whirling around in my bloodstream a full day later. We had lunch in a very busy food court with specials like "sharks fin and sea cucumber"- awesome. Later we ate a little snack of ice cream balls beside an old woman. I was tempted by illegal pirated dvds but was not moved to commit a felony for the latest Guy Pierce RomComDramedy. The man just has a strange face, it's all I'm saying. Is this a handsome?

What?

What was I saying.. Oh yes. There was a store that just sold miniature clay versions of popular dishes such as very tiny bowls of rice and prawns and minuscule steamed rice buns. And so many babies! The hardest thing was trying to walk around the mall while hundreds of thousands of Chinese babies raced around my feet and old ladies pushed me along out of their way. Okay it that didn't happen so much. I just like visualizing that.

Anyway, it was an awesome day. Now I am off to eat a piece of cake and sit on my cat!

JCVD vs. The Ocean

2009-01-24T22:55:00.003-05:00

Man did Jean Claude Van Damme ever have his ass handed to him by Maple Fudge. Maybe now this obscure Canadian homosexual icon of the wrestling world will get some recognition.

Sorry about that last blog ending so hastily, I know it was riveting stuff. When you gotta go, you gotta go. I bought some things green! Hurray!

The stuff I INTENDED on blogging about was mostly to do with, my goals. I'm like a small bird, I'm easily distracted by shiny things and food people have dropped on the ground. I have to set goals or nothing gets done. I keep two lists. The first is a list of passing fancies, things that I would love to happen but if they dont its no big deal. And the second is a Set In Stone far reaching list of awesome that I must accomplish in my life. In the last two years I pretty much accomplished everything I set out to, with a certain amount of trial and error and deportation in between. Now I need to make a new one. I have been working on one for about 2 weeks now, and I'm proud to say I'm almost halfway done!

Lime Blossom Tea - Done! Ordered it online from Britain, it's at my family's house!
Gym - Done! Signed up and went for a swim, bingo bango!
Quark - Done! Saw some in the supermarket, made it into a custard and put it in an apple coffee cake!
Winterfest
Miracle Berries
Pay off Mastercard - Done! Painful.
Peru - Not happening....
Bathing Suit - Done!
Opera tickets - I bought tickets to the freaking opera! How sauve.
Nice pan
French Press - WON one in a raffle at work! Actually I won 4lbs of shrimp but traded a guy for them.
Truffle Honey Madeleines
Go for proper English Tea
Clean Floors - Done!
Read More - Done! Reading so much!
EAT MORE GREEN - working on it...

I vow to finish the rest of these by next week!

Snotty Bitch

2009-01-24T20:51:00.009-05:00

Only Nazi's hate their veggies.

Holy God am I ever ill. I mean, I am one snotty bitch. I am raining boogers. I don't need a doctor, I need a plumber! Know what I mean! L0l0RZ

For now though I am a cozy snotmonster tucked under a quilt tootin' my snoot. I'm gingerly sipping gingerale with a stack of books as my bed mate, two tufts of Kleen-ex pertruding out of my nose and thoughts wavering from feverish to nonsensical to pornographic back to nonsensical. I've been awake off and on for the last 48 hours or so, and when I havent been in the bath I've been reading about food. I'm devouring "On Food and Cooking" by Harold McGee. I've only read the sections on molecules and dairy but it's so fascinating and Im so distressed we don't learn more food history and nutrition at a young age.

I've also come to the conclusion that for a vegetarian, I really do not eat enough vegetables. So that's going to change. Starting tonight I am going to buy some things green and some things orange and I am going to make a soup, god damn it.

My random meanderings through what I can only refer to as "The Internet" has led me many exciting places this evening! OooUUU Fun! Some of them I won't being sharing but I stumbled across a super cute raw food chick from Down Under on youtube and developed a severe girlcrush which prompted more probing into the Raw Food diet deal. Here's a link to RawDownUnder having an orgasm over a smoothie. It's so nice to watch someone be so excited and passionate about a papaya. Wonderful. So I'm thinking of doing a 100 day Raw Food challenge for myself to see how it makes me feel. Due to being a veg and having little time to spend on food my diet has become mostly raw anyway.. mostly apples, a gaggle of soy products and yogurt.. and pizza.. have to research whether or not pizza is raw... better be.

Fuck it's 9:21 I have to pick up Bro-Bot from work. More on this fascinating ramble, later...

Same batshit time, same batshit channel Y'ALL!

Back like Jamaican Bacon!

2009-01-16T11:16:00.009-05:00

Hi. Hi there. Hello. o. o. o.

Remember me? Kara? La la la? Etc?

Yeah, it's me. Perhaps you had given up hope, or hoped I had given up, but I have returned to you, Blog o'mine!

It's a beautiful day!

Actually it's not, its -31 fucking degrees out and Im sitting here faced with the very real possibility of having to deal with going out into that bright, loud, frozen urban hell. All I own is t-shirts. So I've put my warmest one on, anyway. It has a rocket ship on it and a bit of fire graphics happening down around the upper naval area so that is pretty toasty. Gahhhh

So yeah, I guess I should address the fact that Ive fucked off for oh about, two months? Well I won't because I dont have to explain myself to you peasents.

Things I have learned in the last couple of months.

How do say "hello" "goodbye" and "6" in Tamil.
That Mexico is quickly becoming the most dangerous part of the Caribbean.
Barfing noodle soup out your nose hurts like a motherbitch.
Exercise is hard, eating cake is much easier.
Drinking beer before class is great.
I'm very good at beating large blocks of frozen butter into flat disks with a large tube of wood. So if you ever need your butter beaten, je suis votre fille!
Don't eat lobster brains, the black dots will make you very sick.
It is very hard to imagine reality as a series of one dimensional oscillating lines without getting paranoid and reading celebrity gossip websites to calm down and refocus. Lilly Allen has a third nipple OMG!
I'm 24 now! Thats new!

So that about brings you up to speed!

Here is a song that is nice and relevant to the time being.

Hands in Pockets - Laura Gibson

Old Goats Oats

2008-11-19T17:50:00.004-05:00

It's dark in the sky and white on the ground and warm in my kitchen. I'm making cookies! I'm making cookies while I should be at work! Haha! Even better. In this month's issue of Gourmet Magazine, they compiled the very best cookie recipes from each decade from the 1940's until now. So very cool, here is a link to it.

Gourmet's Favourite Cookies

Yesterday I had an hour to spare and spent it making up the dough for 1943's Scotch Oat Crunches. Tonight in my spare hour, I'm baking them up in the shape of tiny teapots, very fat little wiener dogs and stars. Currently I am eating a great deal of the first batch smeared with fig jam, because in my soul I am 82 years old.

Mm.

Scotch Oat Crunches

Cream 1 cup butter until it is almost white; gradually add 1 cup light brown sugar, and keep on creaming until the two are thoroughly blended. Combine 2 1/2 cups pastry flour and 1/2 teaspoon each of baking powder and salt; sift twice into a dry mixing bowl, then stir in 2 1/2 cups rolled, sieved oats. When this mixture is thoroughly blended, add to it alternately that of the creamed butter and 1/2 cup cold water to which has been added 2 or 3 drops almond extract and 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract. Chill for at least 25 minutes.

Roll out a portion of the dough about 1/8 inch thick, or as thin as it can be rolled on a slightly floured board. Cut in rounds about 2 inches in diameter; lift these with a broad spatula onto a generously buttered baking sheet, and bake for 10 minutes in a moderate oven (350°F.), or until the cookies are slightly browned. Cool and store in a cookie jar. They will keep indefinitely in a cool, dry place. When ready to use, spread a filling on one cookie and top it with another, and eat immediately.

Initially I thought these would spread, but they definitely dont, my wee wiener dog's less than svelte silhouette is clearly defined. The first batch was a big underbaked and just turned to oatmeal in my mouth which wasnt very pleasing. The second batch baked up with golden edges and are crispy.

That's it for now, I have to go to work!

We Call It Brotherly Love

2008-10-30T23:51:00.005-04:00

Also this made me laugh. Just once, but it was a good one.

Also this is crazy.

Andy Warghoul

2008-10-28T15:49:00.006-04:00

Um, Like Your Smile is Totally Ruling Me Right Now - Japanther

Starstruck - The Kinks

The Philosophy of The World - The Shaggs

The Chair That Squeeks - Rapture

Let's Go Get Stoned - Ray Charles

Bees - Caribou

People, why aren't you rioting in the streets? Before this year is over I may have to start some shit. For now, I am content to bake and eat too many cookies. I'm pissed though, make no mistake. I just watched a terrific program on art stuff, The Mona Lisa Curse. More specifically it was about the problems with contemporary art. My god it felt good to hear someone very intelligently say out loud what I have been thinking and boring people with for five years. However, it was very depressing. I had to look at dogs in halloween costumes for a full half hour to calm down from my state of completely rational but unfocused rage. I really wish I could use my words more gooder than I do, because I would be a great art critic. As it stands now shouting "FUCK this shit!" doesn't cut it. Fuck you, shark in a tank. Fuck you unmade bed. Fuck you turd in a glass box. Fuck you Campbells fucking tomato fucking soup. You are symptoms of a fatal disease. Begone, thee horrid manifestations of empty minds and greedy pockets. Argh! Angst! Burn it all!

Phew.

Cookies.

Kara's Favourite
MOCHA COOKIES
Makes 5 dozen

4 oz (4 squares) bittersweet chocolate
1½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
½ cup unsalted butter
4 eggs
1½ cups sugar
2 tablespoons instant expresso powder or instant coffee granules
2 tsp vanilla 3/4 cup flour ½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt 1½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350F. In a medium saucepan, slowly melt unsweetened chocolate, the first chocolate chips and butter over low heat, stirring occasionally, not allowing the mixture to bubble.

In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs, sugar and coffee granules until eggs are pale and yellow. Add vanilla.

Separately, stir together the dry ingredients. When the melted chocolate is smooth and still hot, fold it into egg mixture, then fold in flour mixture. Add the mini chocolate chips and stir. Let batter stand for 15 minutes.

To form cookies, use one spoon to scoop out about half a spoon of dough, a second spoon to scrape the dough onto a baking sheet, twelve cookies per sheet to allow for spreading.

Bake 8 – 10 minutes until puffed and shiny on top. Do not over bake.

Have you carved your turnip yet? No? You fail.

Wahaha! Sinister.

Oh My Gourdness!

2008-10-24T17:59:00.010-04:00

Mon Dieu - Edith Piaf

Not Going Anywhere - Keren Ann

Autumn Leaves - Eva Cassidy

It's so lovely outside. Smells like wood and leaves and very crisp air, mmmdang. When this weather comes along it makes me crave my Nanny's "mush" so badly. I knew it was coming, so I prepared earlier in the week and bought a turnip, some potatoes, a big ol bag of carrots and some of the cutest onions I have seen all year. And tonight I set about, making mush!

Nanny's Mush

5 carrots
3 large potatoes
1 turnip

Roughly chop every thing up and boil until tender. Drain. Mash it all up with a little butter, salt and pepper.

Carmelized Onions

6 small onions or 3 large
2 Tbsp butter
2 tbsp oil

Heat butter and oil in a thick bottomed pan. Add onions and a pinch of sugar and salt and slowly cook over medium heat. Cook until onions are caramel coloured, this could take 30 minutes to an hour depending on how long youre willing to wait. I like doing it for an hour.

I just returned from running to the store because this meal cannot be eaten without fresh white bread. On my merry jaunt home with a baguette slung under one arm and a pomegranate in my hand I stopped to shoot the shit with some neighborhoodlums. Said hello to the owner of the second hand shop who looked like a fat and contended owl in his round rim glasses, sitting in front of his halloween racks. Got molested in the street by a couple coworkers who had just finished closing up shop. And now, Im home, and its warm and the apartment is spotlessly clean and filled with the smell of carmelized onions. I'm a happy girl.

Mush, fresh bread, carmelized onions, and the thing to complete it- a whiskey and gingerale. This meal is my nan, and eating it makes me happy and sad and comfortable all at the same time. And hungry. So Im gonna shut the hell up and eat this. This makes enough for 4 or 5 people by the way. Or just one person, over the course of 3 or 4 days, wa ha ha ha!

Dans Le Toilette de Dianne

2008-10-15T20:55:00.008-04:00

Wachooouoooo I wish I could sneeze a rainbow cloud friend out of my unicorn penis too. How could anything be happier. Anyway. Instead of my homework Im going to listen to THIS MUSIC

Why Can't I Touch It? - The Buzzcocks

Hometown Unicorn - Super Furry Animals

Lily and Parrots - Sun Kil Moon

Think Locally, Fuck Globally - Gogol Bordello

Moustache TV - Atom And His Package

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths

And make THIS recipe! HA! Take that, succeeding in life!

Chocolate and Lemon Madeleines
from Chocolate Desserts by Pierre Herme/Dorie Greenspan

1/2 cup + 1 tbsp (70 g) all-purpose flour
3 1/2 tbsp. Dutch-processed cocoa powder, preferably Valrhona
1/2 tsp. double-acting baking powder
1/3 cup + 2 tbsp (90 g) sugar
pinch of salt
grated zest of 1/4 lemon
2 large eggs - at room temperature
6 1/2 tbsp (100 g) unsalted butter - at room temperature

Sift together flour, cocoa powder and baking powder. Set aside. Put the sugar, salt and lemon zest into a bowl and rub everything together with your fingertips until the sugar is moist, grainy and very aromatic.

Using a whisk beat the eggs into the lemon-sugar until the mixture is blended. Squish the butter through your fingers to create what is called a pomade and add it into the bowl. Still whisking, beat in the butter just to get it evenly distributed. Gently whisk in the sifted flour, stirring only until the flour is incorporated and the mixture is smooth. Press a piece of plastic wrap against the surface of the batter and chill it overnight before baking.

When you are ready to bake the cookies, center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 425F (220C). Butter a 12-mold madeleine pan, than dust the molds with flour, tapping out the excess.

Divide the batter evenly among the madeleine molds. Place the pan in the oven, insert wooden spoon in the door to keep it slightly ajar, and immediately turn the oven temperature down to 350F (180C). Bake the cookies for 13 to 15 minutes, or until they are domed and spring back when pressed lightly. Unmold the cookies onto a work surface than transfer them to a rack to cool to room temperature.

Keeping:
Madeleines can be kept at room temperature in an airtight tin for about 2 days or frozen for up to 2 weeks.

Pierre Herme tip:
An overnight rest in the refrigerator is what gives these madeleines their characteristic bump in the center. If you’re in a hurry, chill them for an hour - you won’t get as pronounced a bump, but cookies will bake better for the chill.

Sweet Christ there is one of those Lolcats things for everything, even vague Proustian references.

In Other News: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Chocofucked

2008-10-14T13:14:00.006-04:00

Holy shaz, the government just sent me $150 for no foreseeable reason! It obviously hasnt been listening to what I've been saying behind it's back. Nice! Time to go score some drugs!

Its just after 1 and I'm skipping math class to write this. Well, I did go to math class but I just absolutely murdered a test and had to hightail it out of there. Fucking math! So now Im home and overwhelmed again. I had a most needed fantastic Thanksgiving weekend but spent it mostly dicking off with the fam and laying on the dog and baking all sorts of stuff thaaaaat I did no homework. And now Im in a dire situation. Oops. Oh well, I do what I want and the consequences are my own. God I'm a jackass at times.

I have some great recipes from Thanksgiving to put up here but Im too lazy to unpack my bags and find them so fuck you, I'll do it later. Now I quickly bang up two projects worth 20% and 60% of my marks respectively before work. Woo, Bloody, Hoo. But first, some toast.

Bye!

With a Hee and a Ho

2008-10-04T19:34:00.022-04:00

Kara at School and Work!

Kara for the couple of hours a day she is not at school or work.

Southpark has helped me express my inner turmoil. Least it can fuckin do, really! Listen to this stuff, it will make the snake in your stomach get up and join the circus. The circus of CRIME!

Little Richard - Hurry Sundown.mp3

Garnet Mimms - As Long As I Have You.mp3

Tennessee Ernie Ford - Call of the Wild Goose.mp3

Wanda Jackson - Funnel of Love.mp3

Chris Kenner - Sick and Tired.mp3

Billie Holiday & Lester Young - When You're Smiling.mp3

Most of these were plucked from the branches of the gnarled old sexy tree that is Spread The Good Word!

Check it out, it's so most excellent.

By the way, that snake chick is apparently Princess Python, a.k.a Zelda DuBois, "on and off member of the Ringmaster and his Circus of Crime... Former member of the Clown Masters of Menace, Serpent Squad, and the Serpent Society." According to Eric Gilette she has a SpiderMan Fear Rating of 1....Bad. Ass.

After listening to this stuff for an hour and doing a bit of dancing about in my underpants, I feel gooood man. Real gooood. Gonna sleep! CPR course bright and early in the morning. So next time your heart stops upon being sos truck by my beauteous self, I can get it going again. Don't worry so much about it. Handled. Goodnight stinkwads!

Yeah Man Its Cool

2008-10-04T00:55:00.011-04:00

I don't know why people do these things.....

Apparently you've all seen this before, but just in case.. Quality. We made bread in class today! I took home 2 loaves of delicious white bread and a huge bag of cloverleaf buns for a couple bucks. Theres nothing more sexy in the world than fresh baked breading cooling on a wire rack. Oh wait yes there is-- its my new skill of cracking an egg with one hand! Fuckjesus I'm Pro now! YeeeAAARGH!

Gosh.. I've had a really lovely evening of cleaning with no pants on and singing loudly along with Mr. Jeff Buckley. We can both belt it out pretty much the same. We're good. Maybe Im a little better, but he's dead, Ive had more practice, I won't split hairs. I love my brother to death and dying but its REALLY nice to spend an evening in my favourite manner: the without pants manner.

Anyway its 1am and I have to get up for work at 6am and theres only 5 am's between them so I got to fold up my leaflets and petals and become periodically dormant during the absence of light!

Goodnight, sexpots

Sleepy Buns

2008-10-03T00:48:00.003-04:00

Ha ha ha ha ha. I just typed BIG FAT WEINER in capital letters into google images and pressed enter. That is picture number one! It pleases me.

I'm tired THUS therefore I'm typing in grey. Oh how the frustration was mounting today! But its amazing how the simple act of someone else washing the dishes for you while you're at work can clear that out. Feels good in my stomachular area. Thankyou my dear!

Speaking of stomacheses, mines fucking crammed with buns. Buns I MADE! We started on breads this week. Soft rolls tied in a variety of knots. Scrumptious. I would post the recipe here now but its all in grams and I know that can be annoying if you're a By The Cup kinda person so when I make them again for myself I'll convert it and put it up. I'm doing really well in baking class. During I am dead focused and don't even notice the 4 hours pass. Afterwards there is almost a buzz when I leave and take off my hat and jacket, have a product in my hand and know I spent my day really well. And then I go to work, POO!

No I like that too.. I'm just really tired. Anyway, I should go to bed. GoodnighT!

Ane Brun - Lullabye for Grown-Ups

Hum Buggery

2008-09-30T11:14:00.004-04:00

Humbuggery.

It's raining and everything is so expensive and I have to write a math test in an hour. I HAVE to study but Im just staring out the window thinking about squirrels and how to make a cake with popping candy in it. I think I'll have to put it in a ganache. Otherwise it will pop. Im not fond of today. I feel so stressed out. Someone come please do my dishes. The permanent odour of rot in here is going to push me off the edge. Bahhhhh.. I can't get organized, I don't have 10 minutes to myself. Except right now. So Im writing this. To get these thoughts out of me and lock them securely into this boring little blog. Blog blog blorgh.

I shouldn't complain because I love both school and work. Freakishly I dont even mind math.. It's just too much of a good thing sometimes, working full time and going to school. Money is stressful. I dont want to ride my bike in the rain. But on the bright side B-Bot got a job yesterday! As a fishmonger at a supermarket! Yayyyy! CONGRATS DUUUUUUDE!

Its pouring ridiculously hard outside. All I want to do is curl up in bed and read Wolverine comics and listen to The Smiths. But I have to go.. if I survive, I will write something with more sunshine in it later. For now, fuck it!

Cat Power - Schizophrenia's Weighted Me Down

The Smiths - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

RJD2 - Rain

Gah.

2008-09-29T15:44:00.000-04:00

GAH.

Im Just So Angerous

2008-09-19T23:27:00.007-04:00

My brother just told me, he isnt eating the yogurt in the fridge, because it is fruit bottom, and its too much work to stir it.

That makes me want to punch him in the face until he is dead.

ALSO I just bought cookbooks on Amazon. Internet buying is so dangerous.

ALSO I love putting pillows on my cat. Its so good. She looks extra cute. She is completely unfazed that there is a huge ol pillow just on her. Thats so good.

ALSO Cory is going to open a hamburger joint called "Turtle Burgers".

ALSO a flying buttress, or arc-boutant, is a specific type of buttress usually found on a religious building such as a cathedral. They are used to transmit the horizontal thrust of a vault across an intervening space (which might be an aisle, chapel or cloister), to a buttress outside the building.

ALSO thats a hilarious word.

ALSO it seems everything is really funny. And I was mad before. But then I looked at the cat with a pillow on her, an thought about turtle burgers, and the word "buttresses". Ahh man..

NOW Im going to go put a huge pillow on The Brother to see if that is funny too!

POSTSCRIPT! WATCH OUT! Lava Scorpion is KICKING ASS!